Saturday nite at my place entailed us coming back from Eureka Pizza & Pasta (where I made Dean eat half a large pizza with a spoon for $5...fine holiday fun for the whole family!), but not before I wandered around Coles carrying our booze supply of Breezers, Wipeout, Black Vodka (which I didn't know was black...I thought the bottle was black! God Dean gave me shit for that!), Jim Beam and whatever Christine was drinking...I dunno, I forget. It may have been Strongbow. Anyways, we all tottle off back to my place for drinks (drinks, and more drinks!)
Who was there? Well, there was me (strangely enough), Meg, Dean, Chrissy, Crystal (the designated driver), Michelle, Owen and Brad (who I met when he got to my place hehe). Oh, and my mum decided to get in on the action too, by having an elaborate shotting competition with Dean...oh god help us all!
The Countdown to the Arms Begins...yeah, so at this stage it's just me, Meg, Dean and a very sobor Crystal hittin' the town. Can't have that!! So, I convince Owen to stay at my place with Michelle, and then convince Brad to come out with us and crash on my living room floor after the festivities are over. He agrees, so half an hour before we're due to leave we begin pumping him full of Jimmy (his soborness was a result of him also being a designated driver). Mind you, by this stage, we're all off our faces...I'm on the phone to Ben telling him how much I love him, my mum is giving everyone lectures on life, Meg's trying to attack Brad, Michelle & I are playing Clinker Dares, Owen and Michelle disappear to the trampoline, a photo of me and Matt gets ripped to shreds on the kitchen table (apparently I told them they could?!?! Yeah right.)
The Journey to the Arms begins...So we pile into Crystal's car (Meg in the front, me and Brad holding Dean up in the backseat) and make it to the Arms. We're in line and Meg decides to drop the contents of her wallet all over the ground. We get in and I find my old mate, the chick that takes your money! Oh, joy was had by all. I hand her my I.D and it takes me a while to realise that I.D, has no monetary value. I find $20 and I'm in! Anyways, stuff happens and only me and Brad are left after 10 mins.
Skip to the end of the night...me and Brad get a cab home and commence drinking again at 3am. Owen and Michelle are woken to join in the festivities and we make a night of it by watching...Joe Dirt! Oh, god. I crash on the couch and commence sleeping. Zzzz!
-- NEWS OF THE WEEK -- 9th February 2002
OK, a brand new news segment! I have just gotten back from the best holiday EVER! Me, Sari, Shan, Lones and Tegs (and Ann...sorta) spent a week experiencing the raging nightlife in Queenscliff. Or 'Ye Olde Queenscliffe', whichever you prefer. Though we hunted for guys high and low, the closest we came to finding came down to three of the male species:
GUY #1: OLD CORNERSHOP GUY. This man sold me a Strawberry Freddo. He was in love with me. (Note to self: EW!)
GUY #2: METAL MAN. A friendly fellow who worked at the local surf shop. He had three rings through his lip, and numerous other piercings scattered across his face. The main pondering of the week was how you would kiss him. Oh, and what his did to Sarah's jumper out the back. (he seemed to have a thing for Sari).
GUY #3: BIKE BOY. The closest thing to a guy in the caravan park that we came close to. The other girls concluded that he was about 15. I didn't give up hope, though! (Fifteen year olds are my specialty hehe...oops I mean EW EW EW!) He sort of ran away when he noticed me pointing excitedly at him while he was trying to play cricket.
I suppose we should make a mention of the guy that came to fix our toilet. Thankyou, toilet man.
What did we do? Oh, plenty! Upon arrival, we were greeted by 'Bitch Boom Gate', who was an absolute biatch, but seemed to get very excited about some movie called Big Kahuna. (?!?!) We went shopping, found a most excellent market in Ocean Grove, where Sari made friends with a trumpet player, and we helped a potato woman lose all her business for the day, and where Sari and I rode a camel (woohoo!!!) We also went to Smorgy's in Geelong. This was an exciting experience for me, as I was a Smorgy's virgin. We concluded that King Neptune looked like Miss Rowe. Hmm...oh, and I got pissed playing Pictionary (mind you, it was 1 o'clock in the afternoon!) Our team won anyway! Yeehah!
We had a few visitors during the week - thanks to Giles, Adam, Greggsy, Noz and Ed for making our holiday more interesting! Noz did the whole romance thing by surprising Tegs with flowers on the doorstep and the best present of all ... an empty biscuit tin! Oh, and himself.
Sarah the inventor invented a wonderful game of Truth or Dare, which ended up being later renamed "Truth or Truth". It consisted of a piece of paper, some shandies, some Jimmy and some fluffy dice, which we hung on the ceiling fan and hit 'Hi'. The rest is pretty self-explanatory.
The Song of the Week was a tie between 'Drops of Jupiter' and 'Better Man'. Oh, and there was a small obsession with the Californication album.
The best shop we found was called Fishnets & Fascinators. Need I say more?
Our brilliant artwork was created solely to spice up the cabin. Our cabin was decked out in such wonders as a sea shell mobile (by moi!), candles, flowers, leaves, drawings, quotes page, fluffy dice (which we hung from the ceiling fan), photographs we bought from an unreal gallery in Hesse Street (thankyou, Rodney!) and a lovely picture of Justin Langer. (He came in the Weet-bix box).
We caught the ferry to Sorrento on our last day. On the way home, we were disappointed to realise that every single guy in the Queenscliff vicinity was catching the ferry after we got off it. One word: grr. Oh well, all was not lost - we made friends with a guy named Charlie Brown! Yes, its for real! I laughed at him. I laughed a lot.
A few of us decided to come home a little different...Sari went the big chop & colour on her hair (which is looking most excellent!), and Teg's and myself got a few holes whacked in our ears. The first thing my mum asked me when I came home was "Did you get your tattoo done??" - She seemed quite excited about it, and was a little disappointed when I said I was waiting for some more $$$ to get it done. Yes, my mother promotes self-mutilation.
Anyways, thanks to Sar, Shan, Tegs and Lones for a most excellent holiday, one that will never be forgotten. Love you heaps, guys!
-- NEWS OF THE WEEKEND -- 11th February 2002
The Arms was our destination for Sari's initiation to the wonderful world of clubbing on Saturday nite. According to Camo, who I got an sms from at some ungodly hour, the Arms was 'fucking shithouse', but oh well, sorry to say Adam, I had fun. Although I hooked up with this black guy who proceeded to stalk me for half the nite until he got with one of my friends. *eek!* Sar had a great time, so I'm sure we'll be seeing alot of her out these days! Yeehah!
My little sis came home from school this arvo and the first thing she said to me was this: JESSE ASKED ME OUT! Why hello Bec, did you have a nice day? Hehe aw young love. She's been after him ever since school started, so I'm really happy for her. And who knows, maybe he's got an older brother...? ;)
-- NEWS OF THE ULLUSTRIOUS O-WEEK -- 20th February 2002
Well...we caught the *divine* Superheist at The Arms (where else?) on Tuesday the 19th. After an absolutely brilliant show (for which I was in the front row of the most pit...I could touch the bass player from where I was standing! Actually, I was grabbing his shoe) we were lucky enough to meet the band members and have a bit of a chat and a drink (or three). It was the best night of my life. Well, close to it, anyway. I think the drummer is a hottie. I interrupted the guitarist's attempts at picking up some chick by running over to him and telling him how great he was. I wonder if he picked up?
And Alan, hun, I'm sorry I called you in Perth at 3am, but I was pissed and I presumed every single person in the whole of Australia would be out celebrating O-Week...even though yours was last week.
I will keep you all posted on more O-Week news...but for now, its buh-bye!
Oh, PS...this is the tattoo i'm getting! (The first one on the page!)
-- NEWS OF THE WEEKEND -- 24th February 2002
First stop on Saturday nite was Ben's Party. Now, unfortunately I don't remember much of the party due to me drinking the best part of half a bottle of vodka...though I remember hiding in a shelter with Chrissy from the T-Word and dancing with a plastic nose on my head. *Shrug!*
Ooh, ooh! I just remembered something else!! We went to Coles, me the only drunk one, where we asked a guy if he had any balls. Actually, Tegs asked him. I just laughed. A lot.
Second stop that nite was
I last saw Meg in the taxi on the way home...we had this weird freako guy who was also going in our direction. He was reeeeeally weird. That's about all I can say about him.
I awoke this morning with a substantial hangover and when I went to work, I was still a little drunk...I couldn't press the register buttons, which is not a good thing when you're supervising the registers!
I Am A: Neutral Good Half-Elf Bard Ranger
-- NEWS OF THE WEEKEND -- 5th Smarch 2002
OK, so I know, it's been a few days but hey, I'm allowed to be slack. We went out to the Arms on Saturday nite, after enjoying a meal at G.C's for Sarah's 18th and drinking in the Coles carpark. I want to offer a public apology to all that went out to the Arms for my disgraceful behaviour. I'm sorry, guys. I'm gonna get fixed soon, I promise. That's about all the news I have for now.
-- OTHER NEWS AND STUFF --
Ok, here's the latest...?
Anyhoo, on a lighter note...I got kittens, yay yay! (Mine is called Phoenix, my sister's is called Jasper) (1/3/02)
A big thank you goes out to Tegs, who took the time to collate our Queenscliff memories together and write a special card. I full on bawled my eyes out! Aww...shit I miss you guys. Next trip planned: THE SNOW! Oh, and Thursday has been postponed. Those involved will understand.
-- NEWS OF THE WEEK -- 10th Smarch 2002
Ok, well firstly, Happy Birthday to Emma, who finally turned the big 18 on Friday night. Celebrations were held at Hollioake Park, where I met a bouncer chick (who insisted that she wasn't a bouncer, she was a crowd controller...yeah mate, whatever you reckon, love!) who supported my drunken statement that all men are bastards (except for Sandford). She proceeded to lose my vote as a cool bouncer when she told me to settle down when I got a bit excited about going for a 'walk'...yeah yeah, everyone knows where I was intending to go!! But anyway, Bouncer Chick got the ass from the Cool Books. Camo also got the ass from the Cool Books for a not so nice comment. I'll let him explain.
Cut to Saturday night...Me, Meg, Ben and Liam ventured out to the Arms after a mini-drinking session at Ben's dad's place. Michelle and her brother joined us for a bit, and that experience has proven that Michelle's brother reeeeally scares me. Meg tried to set me up with a 21-year-old across the road...it didn't work as the house seemed to be full of small children, not the hunky 20-something-year-olds that were first promised. Meanwhile, I was back at the house, where I proceeded to drink 3 litres of peach wine and I also managed to headbutt the cask box. I now have a bruise.
We got to the Arms but left fairly quickly due to various reasons. I missed Quarantine. I am NOT a happy camper.
Leigh was there. He's a very cool young man. He kisses a lot.
My cab driver was lovely! Ah! If he wasn't so unattractive I would marry him! LOL! He turned off the meter and gave me a discount! What a wonderful person! Nah, he wasn't that bad looking...but then again, I HAD drunk 3 litres of wine...
Happy Birthday to Jared, the creator of this wonderful webpage! Happy 14th, bub!
Oh, and before I forget...I have withdrawn my threats against the Prick Patrol who left that message on my board. However, I am going to step up the security on the board, as it is a place for us to have fun, and not a place for people to hurt me or my friends. Mind you, the board is for my friends and not associates of people that I used to go out with. If it happens again, I will follow through on my threats. Grr, don't mess with The Kel!
-- NEWS OF THE WEEK -- 17th Smarch 2002
Kel loves Melbourne. I was lucky enough to spend the whole weekend at Michelle's in Fitzroy! Yeehah! It was 'grand', in the words of Alan. For the most part, we behaved pretty much like idiots (song of the weekend was a tie between 'Asshole' and 'Buy me a Pony'). Friday nite we called every single Communic8 person out of the 106 entries in my mobile's phone book. I discovered call waiting. Oh, and I was sooooo crying when Camo told me Scrappy wasn't coming over. I don't think he understands that I have been in love with Scrappy since like last year...(although I think it may have been a little awkward after me and Chrissy's conversation about how we'd like to spread condensed milk all over his chest and lick it off...um yeah. I think I may have said too much...?)
We went to Vic Market (where Michelle was quite excited about buying a capsicum for 20c...look what being a poor uni student does to you!!)
We then scoured Smith Street (aka the best street in the world -- factory outlets galore!!) where Michelle and I bought many cool things...(we went a little psycho in a surf shop where we bought Rip Curl and Rojo clothes for 1/2 price...yes.)
We got up early this morning and went to the ever-faithful Safeway down the road to buy milk. The dude at the service counter had a thing for Shell, he gave her a free newspaper! (Ooh, will romance ever die??) We made pancakes. Mmmhmm! And we ate strawberries. Alot of strawberries. Then we went to a Billy-Cart Race (don't laugh, we could be on Rove!!! Well not really. But we saw Carrin Grant from Rove and there were guys from Secret Life of Us there! Mmm! Sexilicious.
Anyways, I must go and write some more of my movie. I just killed off one of my characters...the plot thickens!
-- NEWS OF THE WEEK -- 21st Smarch 2002
I'm pissed off.
Jeb played for an hour and came back for an encore after everyone was chanting "We want more!" and it was sweet! Plus they were selling buy one get one free drinks! Can't get much better than that!!!
-- NEWS OF THE WEEK -- 24th Smarch 2002
Ah, Kel is in luuuuurve!
Me, Dean, Sandford and Kimbo Scully went and hit The Arms on Saturday nite. It was brilliant!!!!
The only bad part of the night was at the door on the way in. The bouncer didn't believe it was my I.D!!! I was sooo offended! Then he took my EFTPOS card and was inspecting that, asking me what my middle name was and all this shit! Stupid whore! I was just like, "Oh my GOD, are you SERIOUS?!" the whole time. Then Sandford had no problems walking in straight after me UNDER AGE. Damn bouncer prick.
I was like, soooo excited coz I met Mark, the Quarantine guitarist, before the show! I used to love him. Now I don't. Hehehe he's cool though!
I danced on the front podium the whole night just so I could keep my perving vigil on Dave the Quarantine drummer. What a sex beast!
What happened? Ok, well halfway through a set, I was chanting for the divine Dave, and Mark, the guitarist heard me.
Me: Dave! Dave!!
I eventually pried myself away from the stage and walked up to the taxi ramp.
What happened there? Well, there was a fire truck and stuff. The BBQ shop was on fire! How ironic! I laughed. At the taxi ramp, this really weird ass lady found it very very OVERLY interesting that Sandford got into the Arms underage. Get over it, dickhead! I was mumbling/laughing/shouting/doing lotsa embarrassing shit and I don't remember much else. All I know is that I embarrassed myself. As usual.
Got home about 4:15am. Didn't sleep much. Ugh. Then I had to work and I had to work in Refunds, supervise the registers and work the switchboard all at the same fricken time!! Bloody people that don't turn up for work. I'm soooo over the Supervisor thing, I'm sick of it! I'm getting pimples from being so damn stressed about it!! ARGH!!!
-- NEWS OF THE MID-WEEK -- 27th Smarch 2002
Ok. Good Friday nite, my house. Shell will be there! And then the next week its her 18th!! Matt's too, how exciting! Well actually I am a little scared as he'll be at the Arms. Bleh. The Arms is MY PLACE!! Grr. Oh well. I feel bad coz I've been a bitch, but hey, what can ya do. It's in the past. I have ALAN now. *wink wink nudge nudge* hehe
Also, congrats to Carl (not that anyone on here knows him) but hey, he saved Target some major $$$!!! When I was supervising, he decided to run after a shoplifter by himself -- I was not impressed!! I didn't know where he had gone, I thought he was lying in a gutter bleeding somewhere or something! So needless to say, I was pleasantly surprised when he came strolling back into Target, the offenders following him meekly. The security guard kinda uhm wasn't there so yeah I was running around flapping my hands retardedly trying to figure out what to do with the 16 year old shoplifter. It all worked out in the end though. Why the fuck does everything happen when I'm supervising?! God damn. The other day the power almost went off. *shakes head* I'm getting to old and frail for this!!
-- NEWS OF THE WEEKEND -- 31st Smarch 2002
The place was my house, Friday night. Though many an item got broken and the carpet got temporarily stained, fun was had by all.
The night began with Shell, my mum and me making a trip to the Bottle Shop to buy some cheap imitation Bailey's. I swear, living on Good Friday is like living in the middle of a war. The only things you can buy are petrol and booze.
Who was there? Dean, Aaron, Shell, Meg, Ben, Mog, Camo, Jeremy and Sandford.
Ok, well usually this section would be brimming with juicy goss and hilarious happenings from the night, but here's the thing...I don't remember anything. It's really quite sad!!
Here's what I do remember...
The Saline Competition -- This was carried out by me, Dean and Aaron. Basically you get some Saline powder shit and take a shot of vodka in your mouth along with it. Then you see who can last the longest. Now, this is NOT a fun experience. First, the vodka makes the saline begin to fizz. Then it starts to burn. After Dean bombed out, there was me and Aaron left. See, no-one else knew about the competition, so while we jumped around the kitchen holding our mouths, eyes watering and flapping our hands in the air, no-one else had a clue what was going on. And we couldn't exactly answer them with a mouth full of fizzy white shit. Aaron was timing it but I have no idea how long we lasted. All I know is that I WON!
My obsession with Milo -- I don't know why, but hey, Milo is goooood.
My hiding things obsession -- I hid the Pink Book in the broom cupboard and the Strawberry Freddo that Dean gave me under a newspaper. *Shrug!*
My "Let's Show Everyone Meaningless shit" obsession -- In the morning, I found a whole lot of shit on my bench. The shit pile included me and Ben's Deb photos, a photo of my sister in a can-can costume and a big container of salt.
The Kel, Sandford and Ben obsession with the Damascus CD. "Keeeeeeep hope burrrrringgggg..."
That's about all I can remember...ask me anything and I couldn't tell you any more. How sad.
We slept a little. Not much. I had 15 mins sleep between the hours of 3 and 5am. At 6am we were all awake and discussing quite strange things (like what really goes on behind the closed doors of the male toilets). Then I was up at 9.45am to get ready for work.
Work was hell on earth. Due to the impending arrival of the Easter Bunny the next day, about 95% of the population of Ballarat were in Target. The other 5% were the smart ones who stayed at home. To give you some idea of how busy it was, at 4pm we had taken $98,000. At that time on a Saturday, we usually take about $40,000.
Let the awful-ness begin! First of all, we had trouble with the banks, who were so overloaded that their systems crashed. Secondly, EFTPOS (the bitch) decided to die also. Thirdly, our own system decided to die along with everything else. This caused me and a manager to run to the controller room (after almost taking out two really hot guys and an old granny) to do an extreeeemely quick resurrection of our dear (and evil) registers.
Considering that there was only me and one other person down at Central Square who knew what to do when the registers went offline, and that 70% of our register operators working that day were new and had been working at Targe for oh, say 4 weeks...I think we did ok.
I was so stressed out that the store manager took my hand and started patting it. Another manager gave me an Easter Egg. "Looks like you could use this...!"
When it was finally home time, I was just about ready to curl up and die. I had worked 6 hours without a break, I had been getting abused by customers all day (because, of course, the whole thing was my fault) and I was basically stressed out of my mind. By the end of it, I was too tired to go out to The Arms. Yes, I was that tired. I didn't even go just to see Dave. Sigh.
PS -- The Target Netball Team will make its debut at Major League this Tuesday at 9pm. Should be interesting, considering that Jesse has never played before anddoesn't know the rules. Our general plan is that the chicks on the other team will just giggle flirtishly at him and pass him the ball. "Here you gooooo, hee hee hee!"
-- STUFF I LEARNT THIS WEEK -- 3rd Smapril 2002
- you can't be friends with ex's
-- NEWS OF THE WEEKEND -- 7th April 2002
So it was Michelle's 18th... and of course, that meant that we all had to go out and get trashed. Well DUH!
Festivities began at Michelle's Sebas house. I was on the Cowboys, Meg was on the metho and milk...;) KIDDING! The lucky ones that were there were Me, Meg, Ben, Dean, Cassy, Belinda, Charlotte, Tenille, Tenille's brother's gf (Michelle the 2nd, who I bonded with over the course of the evening), Mog, Tegs, Noel, Conan, Michael...I think that's everyone. Oh, and Shell's brother and his chick.
Cut to the car ride to the Ballarat nightlife...which wasn't that interesting. Everyone went to Extremity and the Thirsty Dog, while Dean and I hightailed it to the Arms due to a certain ex-boyfriend planning on his initiation to 18-year-oldism at The Dog. I didn't mind...it meant that I got my place on the podium in full view of the ullustrious DAVE!! Ah, it was fabulous.
Dave waved to me!! Ah, it was bliss!!!
There was a whore guy on the podium with me and it was quite gross. I was mouthing "HELP! to Ben but he just stood there pissing himself laughing. So it was up to Meg to push him off the podium. I laughed. A lot.
It was Ditch's birthday (aka really hot bartender!) so Quarantine decided to give him the best present a guy could have...LESBIAN APPRECIATION NIGHT! Shell got scared. Dean got excited. Quarantine got girls from the audience up on stage to kiss Ditch...sigh. They pointed to me but I was too embarrassed. Even though it was Ditch and he was smiling at me...ahh, bliss. And Dave looked at me lots. Ohhh it was SOOOOOOOO good!
I was dancing on the podium the whole night, as I always do, when these guys came over...one of them was obsessed with me and Dean getting together. Then I had two of them hailing me. That was interesting. Then Orange Tshirt Guy kept asking Dean's permission to hook up with me...freako!
Cut to the end of the night...(approx. 4am) Dean got burnt by this dickhead with a cigarette so I decided to go home. I reckon I would have stayed until 6am if that didn't happen!!
Dean went to the loo's to put water on his hand... and then Orange Tshirt Guy found me! It was so funny, he said some line like "You're not leaving without this..." ...and yeah you can guess the rest.
The taxi ride home was...interesting.
HAPPY 18TH, SHELL!
-- NEWS OF THE MID-WEEK -- 16th Stapril 2002
TARGET WON NETBALL!!! Woohoo!!! We beat the 'purple team' (they are nameless as yet) by 5 goals. Congrats to my wonderful team, who this week comprised of Jesse, Kelli, Kath, Ben, Lana, Michael and Andrew. A particular congrats to Jesse, who this week learned how to jump. Well done! :P
-- NEWS OF THE WEEK -- 14th April 2002
Well guys, it's that time of the week again...SUNDAY! Which means that you find out all the goss about the frivolities of Kel's Weird and Wonderful Weekend!
The Party-goers: Just a quiet one this week - Me, Kim and Crystal
We left the hell-hole shortly after that occurance. Outside, I physically ran into Jesse. After hugging him excitedly (after all, it was Jesse LOL!!) I continued to stagger in the general direction of the Thirsty Dog.
For this first time EVER, The Dog was great! Maybe it was coz I was pretty much smashed and stuff. Oh well. But anyhoo, we left after about 20 mins, which was enough time for me to act like a tool.
No prizes for where we went next! The Arms was kickin' as usual.
First order of business was to chat to the hunky DiXiE (not Ditch, as I previously thought his name was. Bleh, I was smashed, ok?!) I told him Happy Birthday and tottled off to get my place on the podium in anticipation of sighting the ullustrious Dave.
Quarantine kicked some ass as usual. I got great views of thy holy Dave from my spot on the podium. There was a new Bass Player (thank God!) and he was majorly hot! I think his name was Luke but I could just be making that up.
I caught up with many party people - a big g'day to Emma, Mog, Mel, Nicole, Lisa, Lee, Eloise, Kim Slater and everyone else I caught up with. Omg, I caught up with this chick Naomi who I played Superleague Netball with when I was like, 8 years old. She knew Quarantine!! She was also the bearer of BAD NEWS.
DAVE HAS A GIRLFRIEND.
Sigh. Nevermind, story of my life. This week he had green hair. He was still as delicious as usual. Sob.
I am dreading work and netball this week as Jesse knows about my slutty antics. Just great.
A massive big thanks to the delectable Leigh who drove me and Kimbo home at 5am. Oh, and Leigh, thanks for the kisses. (I won!!)
Anyhoo, hope everyone had a fantastic weekend. Keep me posted in the Message Board as to what went on, where ever you are in this great land of ours!
-- NEWS OF THE WEEK -- 20th Stapril 2002
There is limited news this week...Sigh. I wasn't able to go out Saturday night, due to...a reason. If you're on the mailing list, you can find the reason out by following the instructions in the email to reveal the secret page! Ooh, exciting!
Big Brother Eviction Prediction: My vote this week goes to Katrina basically because she has pissed me off since she stepped out of that ugly car on day one.
Target News: Much news this week! It's been crazy, weird shit happening everywhere. Here is some of the more interesting news.
-- NEWS JUST FOR THE HELL OF HAVING NEWS -- 3rd Smay 2002
Yep, well me and Dean are together. That's all the news I have lol! Oh, and the Arms will be kickin' some ass (donkey, whatever Dean) on Saturday night!! Woohoo!
-- NEWS OF THE WEEKEND -- 30th Smapril 2002 --
Ok, so it was Justin's party...
Who was there? The jumping castle, and of course many miscellaneous party people, including the birthday boy Justin, myself, the ullustrious Megalicious, innocent Michelle, "I have a new jacket" Dean, Meg's twin bro Lann and his mates, Owen, Army Aaron, and of course, "I need action" Brad. Oh, and we can't forget the famous Kylie.
Who in the HELL is Kylie?! Kylie was a dwarf. She punched Lann in the nuts. After that, every time she tried to talk to any guys, they would face away from her. One guy wore a bucket over his...you know. That same guy got attacked by Kylie, so I had to pretend to be his girlfriend so Kylie wouldn't drag him into the bushes and jump his bones.
And what else happened? Well, not alot involving me. But I FINALLY got to meet the infamous Justin! It was wonderful.
And then...? Well, me and Shell stayed at some chick's house. I think her name was Sue. *shrug* She likes Buddhas.
Eviction Prediction: JESSICA
Yes, that dickhead has GOT to go! She's just so weird, she can't sing and she's an absolute freak! Plus, she's really fake and just too damn happy. She's got to go!! I'm fighting to keep Aaron in the house. He's lovely. While you're on the phone voting off Jessica, why not vote in Brodie and Will? Those boys are mmhmm!
-- NEWS OF THE WEEKEND -- 5th Smay 2002
It was Saturday night.
Who was there? Well, quite an assortment of miscellaneous party people, including me, Dean, Meg, Ben, people from work (oh how embarrassing!), Eloise, Tenille, Tenille's brother's gf (Michelle the 2nd), Kim, Megan...yeah that's about it. I caught up with heaps of other people from school that I hadn't seen since like, graduation!!
And, so what's the goss? Well, first was my singing concert, which was interesting. Congrats to Crystal, who outshone everyone! Then me, Megan and Kim went back to my humble abode to drink ourselves silly.
What was on the drinks menu? Well, I don't know what everyone else was drinking, but I drank my fair share of Cowboys,(I learnt how to layer them! woohoo!!!) Sambuca, Cougar, Jimmy, and Muddy, the Quarantine guy gave me some Pinot Noir drink that actually tasted quite delish.
Yeah, we don't care about that! Fine, fine. Well we went to the Thirsty Dog, where I was the band's groupie for all of 20 mins. I made friends with some chick. I was on the stage and the bouncer kicked me off. I was not impressed.
We hightailed it to The Arms to catch the ullustrious Quarantine. I asconded whoever was on my podium in anticipation of seeing my fave band in the world (apart from Linkin). I nearly had a coronary when I saw Dave walking around near the bar. Ahh...(shh Kel!)
They remembered me!! I was soooooo excited. Mark was making faces at me. Actually, I was probably making faces at him and he was probably contorting his facial muscles in agony as a result of being majorly freaked out by moi.
After the show, I was lucky enough to talk to Muddy and Dave! Argh!! I was looking at Muddy's tattoos...I want to know how many he has. It's my mission to beat him in the tattoo stakes. I know he has at least two, so I'm losing already with my pissy one. Sigh. I told Muddy that they should drop the bass guy and keep the new (and SINGLE and HOT) one! He just pissed himself laughing. I said the same thing to Dave, who waved to me and it was lovely. I touched his hair. Oh my GOD, I'm such a lowlife! I think I should be the new singer for Quarantine. Visit their wonderful website here!
Anyhoo kids, here's to next week, which is Sandford's 18th. Now he can LEGALLY grace the broken glass littered floors of the Arms. We'll be going out after the bash so I can see Quarantine (and have Mark's lovechild) so I expect to see you ALL!
I'm bloody pissed off that Aaron got evicted. Cry! He's divine. Bloody Jessica, the whore.
-- BELATED NEWS OF THE WEEK -- 14th Smay 2002
Hey guys. Sorry about the lateness of the update this week, I have been quite busy getting aquainted with some people I met on Saturday night...
Saturday night, the night that was...
Well, it was Sandford's Party for a start. Congrats to the main man of Macca's on finally reaching the big one-eight. Also, congrats to him for getting his P's -- I've been for a ride in his new car (a spanky Hyandai) and it definitely gets the seal of approval.
Anyways, back to Saturday night! We started off at the Robin Hood, where I proceeded to kiss every single person that walked through the door. Plus, there was free beer!! Actually, one of the bar guys ran over my foot with a beer keg, but that's another story.
I was absolutely blind drunk (which I will NOT apologise for, sorry!) and I was trying to crack onto Sandford's mum's boyfriend, Pete. Who can resist Greek men?!
We all had the privelege of listening to the fabulous Bryce making his contribution to the wonderful world of karaoke. "New York, New Yorrrrrrrrrrk!!"
Me and the Kimster decided to hightail it to The Arms for another fun filled night of the delectable Quarantine. Along the way, we ran into Zeb and "Danny Boy", which was slightly amusing for quite some time.
Cut to the Arms: Well, the night was relatively young and the Arms was yet to really start kickin', so I struck up a convo with these three chicks from Melbourne, who had travelled all that way just to see Quarantine! Ahhh, fellow groupies at last!! I was sooooo envious, one of them has kissed Dave! Apparently he's the best kisser on the face of this earth. We shall wait and see, hehe. Anyhoo, she decided to introduce me to thy holy Dave, and he's like "Um, I already know her" and I was like "Yeeeeeeahhhh!" and that was that. But she got pics of Dave and she is sending them to meeeeee! Yeehah!
So Quarantine played and I was in heaven. One of the Melbourne chicks is like, a legend in Melb for her skulling abililties, so it was no surprise when she beat the pants off some loser chick. I was her cheer squad. She was cool.
Cut to later in the night...about 4 or so...Well, the Melbourne skulling champ was up on stage again, but this time got beaten by a very tall guy named Ben. Anyways, this Ben comes over and is talking to Skulling Chick, then I accidently touch his hair, then we start talking, then yeah, we exchanged moby numbers and have been hanging out a bit. Him and his housemates are really cool.
Anyways, back to the Arms! Lukie from work was there...I'll let someone else fill you in on the goss in that department, coz if I say anything I'm gonna get my ass kicked. But Lukie is an absolute sweetie and I'm glad something finally went right for him. Anyways, enough of that!! We all stayed until closing time, which was when I decided to refuse to leave. I decided I was gonna sleep in there, and proceeded to ask everyone if they had a tent. Unfortunately, no-one had a tent on them, so I was forced to leave. I stumbled through the front door at 5.30am.
So that was my weekend! Everyone can feel free to add their goss from the weekend on the message board. Have a good week, everyone! (Oh, and don't forget to vote out Jessica the Scrag on Big Bro this week!)
-- NEWS OF THE WEEK -- 19th Smay 2002
Is someone deliberately trying to hurt me? Am I that detestable that someone has means to make my life a living hell? Yes, I am talking about the 24/7 torture otherwise known as Jessica.
Anyhoo, I suppose you want to know what went on in the Wonderful World of Kinko on the weekend. Hold onto your hats (or heads, whatever...)
We'll start with Friday Night. It was Lana's going away party, so we went out for tea to Agostino's, commencing drinking at 7.30pm. After enjoying the world's largest chicken parmagiana, we hitched a lift with the wonderful Carl Kierce to Craig's, where I switched to beer (I'm on a budget, alright?!)
This is my night:
Agostino's --> Craig's --> Thirsty Dog --> The George --> Extremity --> Thirsty Dog --> The George --> Thirsty Dog --> THE ARMS!!
It was a fun filled night. Me and Kelli were the only ones from work who stuck it out the whole night. I met a tiler from Corio (who later proceeded to stalk me), then a freako Uni student with no money (aka 50c guy...so lame, so lame...), then we met some cool kick-ass fellas. Me and Kelli went back to their mate's place and got to bed at 7am. We got woken up at 9am. Ugh. But Big Big Seco was there, so that was exciting.
Saturday Night...
We wound up at The Arms. I was a good girl, I only drank like four drinks, which is a totally surreal (and bleh!) experience. I saw my Quarantine boys, woot woot! They had their eye-candyish (and single) bass player there, so it was fabbo.
I caught up with my new Ben, who is still the sculling champion of the world. That's my boy! He actually made me venture out into The Shed but I ran out again coz it scared the shit out of me! I hurried back to my Quarantine boys quick smart.
Not much excitement on the Saturday night front. But I think that Friday night made up for it. Thanks to Kelli, Dave #1 (aka 50c guy...so lame, so lame...), Dave #2 (for not caring about motorbikes...and the rest...), Clint from Corio (for having abs of steel), Harley, that other guy...whatever his name was...and Jo Maher, the biggest legend in the world (apart from me).
Have a nice week, everyone! (And don't forget to evict the slutto whore Jess!)
-- NEWS OF THE WEEK -- 26th Smay 2002
WELCOME TO THE MOST BORING WEEKEND IN HISTORY!
Bleh. Well, I didn't go out on Saturday night!! What is wrong with me?! People at work are worried that I turned up sobor this week. I have let the team down. I'm sorry.
Instead of getting plastered, I sat on the couch and watched the wholesome Bedazzled (gotta love that dolphin song!)...it was riveting.
On a serious note, give me a Sunday hangover any day. I was completely sobor this morning and it was a feeling I just do not like!!!
I will see you all at the Arms on Saturday! Actually, I might go out on Friday night too if anyone wants to join me on my mission to party hard. Plus, I need to wallow in my sorrows now that my delicious eye candy otherwise known as Brodie has been snatched from my screen. I'm putting all the blame on Dean.
-- NEWS OF THE WEEKEND -- 2nd Sjune 2002
Well, I kinda got sick of waiting for the weekend to arrive so I had a few drinks before netball on Wednesday. Shrug. We lost anyway.
Fast forward to Saturday night!
Ok, so there was me, Meg, Megan and Kimbo hittin' the town on Sat. We sat around drinking wayyyyyyyy too much. We discovered new drinks!! They are Sour Apple Schnapps Shots and Cheap Imitation Passion Pop! Yes, it's true! There is a cheap version of Passion Pop! Tres funny!
We hightailed it to The Thirsty Dog first. Performing that night were the ullustrious SPANK! (Translation: three hot boys going nuts). Big hello to Chris who kept giving me and Meg kisses. Big finger to the bar guy, jump up my ass, asshole! I wasn't IN YOUR FILTHY BAR! Oh well, the whole Chris being hot thing made it all better!
After their first set, we sadly went across to The Arms. I claimed my usual possie on the front podium, and just about burst into tears when I saw the banner of a band that WAS NOT QUARANTINE! I was distraught!
All was better when the guys from Electric Mayhem came out on stage. Turns out they're not that bad on the eyes! (Oh, and not bad on their instruments either...) Big hello to Simon who had a big chat to me and consoled me when I was having boy troubles with the 21 Arms Giant (otherwise known as Ben). You guys have to check out the Electric Mayhem site here!! Click on the About Us link, check out Scott. One word: HELLO!
I'm gonna ask the boys for an interview, just to make things exciting. Simon (guitarist) went out with Maree! Speaking of Maree, has anyone seen Emma? I've seen her out but I wouldn't mind catching up with her sobor lol!
Oh, and kids, the reason Ben Laz hasn't been around is this: (I asked the man himself!) He's on placement for Nursing at present and only has the net at SMB, so...wait three weeks and he'll be back to his normal self (god help us all!)
Ok kids, have a great week (and listen to plenty o' Linkin Park, vote many many times for Mirabai and come see me at Target, I'm getting bored!!)
-- MOST EXCITING NEWS -- 5th Sjune 2002
Check out the pics of me and my homies at the Arms, which are featured on the Electric Mayhem site here!!
NEWS OF THE WEEK -- 11th Sjune 2002
What a weekend.
Firstly, let me thank you all for honouring my plea to evict Mirabai, big thankies over here!!
Alright, I know you're all dying to hear about what went on in the weird and wonderful world of Kellie on the Queen's Birthday Weekend, so let's get down to business.
Saturday Night -- Well, it had been Kelli's 23rd birthday during the week, so me and the Target homies went out to celebrate. We began the festivities at Kelli's, where I proceeded to get pretty much blind. (Gee, what else is new?!) After meeting lots of cool people, we walked (well, staggered) up to The Dog. On the way, Sally got pushed over so she was bleeding profusely from the mouth, which ain't good. I stayed out the front of the Dog while we waited for her brother to come. This was just after I had told Luke from work that I was totally in love with him...how embarrassing.
Once Sal was right, I went into the Dog...I couldn't find anyone, so I hid in the toilets for a bit (god, I am lame...why would I even care, by this stage I had drunk about 6 cowboys, 2 sour apple shots and 4 Woodstocks!!) But anyhoo, I eventually came out and found Kelli and some assorted party-goers. Then I got the brilliant idea of going to the Arms after Chrissy sent me an SMS saying "Kel! Quarantine have started, where are you?!"
Me and Kelli's cousin were the only ones game enough to venture over to the Arms, but she had left her wallet at home so when she went back to get that, I was all on my lonesome. Cry, cry.
Luckily, I found Meg and Chrissy as soon as I walked in. I saw my ullustrious Quarantine boys up on the stage and just went sick. I claimed my posse on the podium and only stopped dancing when I went to ask Dixie for a beer (or three).
Big thanks to Muddy for giving me a free Luna (even though he knows damn well that there's no way I'm Italian...muhahaha!)
By this stage, I had lost all my friends, so I ventured out into The Shed (oh my GOD! Kel went in the Shed?!) where I struck a pose with my beer for about 5 mins until I got sick of getting ogled (ogled! lol!) at by drunken feral Arms boys so I went into the Beer Garden. There I found Ben Fielding (aka 21 Arms Giant, you know, the guy that always wins the Quarantine skulling comps...aka the guy I've been seeing, aka the guy that IT'S SOOOO OVER BETWEEN US...aka...whatever else, I'm pissed off.), Corey, Emma Beczy, Luke, Scott, Ben Schreenan and about a ton of other people. Oh, and Drew Tobin (year 12 2000, you know the hot one that played Barabas in the Final Hours...ahh Drew with no shirt on, mmhmm!). Me and Drew were sitting there for ages while I went on about how good it was for us during the Final Hours coz we got to perve on his sex-ay bod-ay. We decided that we'd meet up again in three months after he'd buffed himself up a bit and then we'd recommence negotiations. Oh, if anyone sees him, his new name is Buffy. Then some chick came up to me and told me that Drew wanted to hook up with me and I was like "Um....this is Drew we're talking about here. He's like, ahhhh, and I'm like, me, so um yeah I soooo don't believe you!" (yes, that's actually how the conversation went!) Anyways Ben F was around somewhere and I ended up losing Drew when we got kicked out a bit after 5am. I will say no more about that night.
Sunday Night went a little like this...
Me and Meg drove down to Melbourne to visit Bet Bets (aka Meg's nan) in hospital, and we went back to Shell's place in Fitzroy. We then got the brilliant scheme of going over to The Essendon Grand to watch the ullustrious Quarantine boys do their thang.
We walked in, and who should be there but Muddy!! I was pretty excited, he was pretty excited, it was a pretty exciting time in our lives. He was like "Oh my GOD, what are you doing here?!" and yes, it was brill. Somehow, he knew I knew Simon from Electric Mayhem. Don't ask me how he knew, but he knew. < insert spooky X-Files music here! >
Then we walked out into the dancefloor and who should be on the stage but Electric Mayhem! Could this night get any better?? So I got to perve on "Hot Scott" (eg. keyboard man, and this night I only drank two beers so I know for a fact he's hot, unlike that Nathan guy from Saturday night...besides, Shell agrees. Scott is one fine fella. Ok, enough of this big drooling session!)
The Quarantine boys were hanging around, and Dave was dancing next to me! Woohoo! (Yeah, I'm over it lol, but hey, I can't help it he's a hottie!) Those girls that I met at the Arms a while back were there, and one of em kissed Muddy (soooooo jealous!)
I caught up with Sexy Simon from Electric Mayhem, which was wonderful. He took a pic of me, Shell and Meg, so that was "woohoo!" worthy. Expect to see another pretty (yeah pretty gross!) pic of us on their site in the near future!
The Q-boys FINALLY got onstage at 2.30am (they were supposed to start at 1am!!) and this was about the time that Meg spotted numerous members of the Essendon Footy Team hanging around us. One of them, who was a tall guy with blonde hair was pretty drunk (hell, one of the bouncers was drunk!!) and was dancing AT me and Shell. No, he wasn't dancing WITH us, he was dancing AT us!! Then there were the inconsiderate dancers. They were this guy and a chick and my god, they were pissing me off. I had to give em a shove coz they kept hitting us repeatedly!!
We unfortunately had to leave after Q's first set, due to me having to slave away at Target later that day. I bid farewell to Muddy, gave him a kiss on the cheek, waved to Simon, bumped into Mark, gave him a goodbye kiss, then strutted past all the fine fellas out into the -10 degree air outside. I tell you guys, the fellas at The Grand are sooooo much better than Ballarat Arms fellas. No sleazy feral ones here! Plus, unlike Ballarat you don't know any of em, so it's heaps good (wink wink nudge nudge!)
Me, Meg and Shell fell into bed at approx. 4am.
After returning to Ballarat, and going to work (I only went coz I need to support my newly attained Spearmint Tic Tac addiction), and *thankfully* not having to yell at any bitchy customers (I think they all went away for the long weekend), I crashed on the couch (hello, I'd had like 8 hours sleep in two days!!) and slept like there was no tomorrow. But hell, I'd just had the best weekend in history!! Plus, to top it off, Mirabai the skank got evicted!! Joy was had by all! Big huge thanks to Muddy, Mark, Dave, John, Sexy Simon and Hot Scott (sorry Quarantine boys, but you don't get cool names coz I know your girlfriends and they might come and shoot me! Oh, yeah by the way all you people that went to high school with me, Dave's gf was two years ahead of us, not that anyone cares except me but hell, this is my page ner ner ner. Yeah, ok Kel, get off the Tic Tacs before someone gets verrrrry scared!)
Hope that your weekends were as fabulous as mine, post everything on the Message Board and tell me all the goss! Also, I've finally updated the Pink Book, so check it out and have a good ol' laugh!!
NEWS COZ I JUST GOTTA VENT SOME FRUSTRATION -- 14th Sjune 2002
I'm having a shit day, so I just thought I'd do some major ventage.
Things I learnt this week:
NEWS OF THE WEEKEND -- 17th Sjune 2002
Well, well, well. Right now I'm full of butterflies as a result of just messaging the person that made my Saturday night just fabulous, so...yeah. Let's get down to it!
Went to Megan's sex-ay new house, is quite fabbo! Meg came and dumped her whole wardrobe on the couch for the 2nd annual top swap party (complete with fluro ensemble!) while I kicked back on the couch and tried not to flash anyone, coz I was wearing Megan's skirt.
We ventured to The Arms about midnightish (I was stressing out, god what if my Quarantine boys had already started?!) and I claimed my posse on the podium (now known as the bimbo box) in anticip....p...ation (sorry, too much Rocky Horror for Kel!) of the Q-Boys.
For some reason, the night went really quick (I swear that Quarantine played one less set...anyone else agree with me?) Plus, I was having a great time dancing with Kimbo and LUKE(!!!) on the podium (sorry, bimbo box) and sending bitch eyes to a particular bastard (no Cassy, I won't mention his name again! Oh and Cass, Chris is in love with you, just thought I'd let you know ;) )
Also, Muddy was being a lying bitch (a wonderful lying bitch -- love you Muddy!) coz Mark's birthday is in February (the 15th I think) so yes, I have foiled the plan muhahaha! Oh well, Muddy gave me free drinks (mmm Luna that Luke thinks tastes icky but I love it...ahhh) so he's in the good books.
Sorry it's a bit boring this week folks, but Drew the sexy boy wasn't out, and the only exciting thing that happened was with a certain boy that I just messaged and now I'm having a heart attack coz he's my friends ex and we work together but ohhh he's lovely. Anyways Kel, enough of this shit coz no-one wants to hear it!! Oh, and that really annoying chick kept buying me tequila and beer so I felt extremely sick when I went to work yesterday (as if I wasn't already feeling sick with nerves, god dammit!)
Ok kids, hope you had a fab weekend -- I'll keep you all posted on how this charming new development goes...hopefully for the better, but knowing my luck...sigh. This is going to be a strange week...especially with the removal of The Beige Hornet (did you know that he only took one pair of those in!?! EW!)
God I want pancakes, but we have no milk. I only have two tic-tacs left. Sigh. It's gonna be one of those days!
NEWS OF THE WEEK -- 23rd Sjune 2002
"Muddy are you ok, are you ok, are you ok Muddy?" <-- Muddy has the flu. Big hugz to the Mudster!
Well, we kicked off the weekend on Friday night (aka bogan night) at Megan & Kirsty's place. First order of business was to de-dog-shit the carpet with Spray & Wipe. All was going well until the carpet started turning a weird blue colour...
We hit The Arms (our mission: to find boyfriends), where we scored a free drink card and got harrassed by several bogans. One was a 65-year-old feral man, who was basically just walking around the dancefloor ogling at the chicks dancing. Another was Red T-shirt Guy, who happens to be the cousin of a guy who is friends with a guy that I hooked up with at The Chapel last year. It's a small world, after all! (Oh, and Linnie the guy I'm talking about is Flannelette Guy!!! Apparently his name's Brad and he's a bouncer at the Arms...?)
Anyhoo, while I tried repeatedly to shake off Red T-shirt Guy, Kirsty was busy trying to find a father for her baby (we had already decided that the 65-year-old dude was the grandpa). She was unsuccessful (hello, it was Friday night at the Arms!!) We got stalked by several other icky boys until we called it quits and staggered out the door at 5am.
Saturday Night. Me & Kimbo decided to pop around to Jo's place to get slightly sloshed before heading to some chick's 21st. Big hello to Jo, Lindy, Sarah, Barry (the cockateil) and Stacey, who were an absolute riot. We stayed at the 21st for about 1/2 and hour before we got bored and hightailed it back to Jo's. There, we rang some guy at The Courier, and I spoke to 'Italian Stallion'. Stacey got an sms from some bloke along the lines of 'Friendship is like pissing your pants. Only you can feel it. Thankyou for being the piss in my pants.' How sweet!
We hit the Arms, I claimed my spot on the podium and got all set to party. My fave boys hit the stage and I went spastic (as usual). Sorry to anyone who encountered me while I was in my pissed-off phase -- boy trouble, what else??
It was the night for sleazes. First, there was the guy who told me I had to either kiss a chick on the stage or kiss him. Then there was the guy who kept grabbing my legs. Then there was the feral who was trying to set me up with his friend, but kept grabbing my ass. Then there was the other five guys who grabbed my ass as I walked to the loo. God, guys just don't get it!!
Quarantine were just about finished when Luke showed up. Feral guy & his friend were still up on the podium with me and after i told them to fuck off about 50 times, I got pissed off and ended up jumping/stumbling/falling off the podium, much to my embarrassment coz Luke was there...sigh. Then I got hit in the head by Lockie Wilkie (oh, the joys) all coz the Q-Boys were playing Metallica. Remind me never to go in the most pit again.
Me, Luke and Kimbo ventured into the Beer Garden, where I ran into Neil (aka ex-Target boy) who spent his time giving me lovelife advice. Thanks, Neil.
We went back to the dancefloor and me and Luke ended up holding hands...aw! Anyhoo, due to reasons that cannot be disclosed, we ended up leaving at 5am. We went for a walk and Luke was being cute the whole time...aw (again!). ALso, if anyone can define exactly what a 'chat' is (not talking, different chat...like 'He is such a chat') I'd be very appreciative. Also, if anyone can solve the mystery of what exactly is going on between me and Luke, I'll give them $50.
Work on Sunday was...interesting. I only spoke to Luke once, and because of my extreme hangover-ness, I stabbed myself with a staple and bled everywhere, and I got conned by some dodgy customers and they got away with $370 worth of store coupons.Sigh.
Woo, Jess got evicted. I thought I'd be more excited.
See ya guys, stay tuned for next week when there will be a Quarantine special! Gimme a break, I'm going away for two weeks, I'll be having withdrawals!
Also, Happy Birthday to Kimbo and Belinda who are both celebrating their 20th and 18th birthdays, respectively. See you all out Saturday night!!
KEL'S UPSETTING NEWS OF THE MID-WEEK -- 26th Sjune 2002
Well, looks like I'm gonna have to pay the $50 to myself now coz I know what's going on between me and Luke. Or what's NOT going on. Yes, Luke isn't ready for another relationship, so I'm heartbroken. And looking forward to a big BIG night out Saturday.
NEWS OF THE WEEK -- 1st Sjuly 2002
It was the infamous birthday weekend. First stop for me and the Megster was at Kimbo's 20th. After catching up with Jo and Lindy (unfortunately Barry the cockateil wasn't able to make it, though he did chew on Kim's birthday card).
Next Stop: Belinda's 18th. I walked in the door and was immediately harrassed by Bel's little 11-year-old brother, who continued to stare scarily at me and offer to make me cowboys. Yes, the 11-year-old can make layered cowboys! The things they're teaching the kiddies these days, geez I don't know! Anyhoo, we convinced him that my name was Charlennnne (said in a really 'Kath & Kim' voice), Meg's name was Peg and that Red Bears are three times as alcoholic as cowboys. Me and Mel gave him a shot of Red Bear and he was off his nut!
We headed off to the Arms for our usual Quarantine perve-fest (be sure to check out the shrine!) By this stage, I was pretty much trashed but didn't care coz I had a Chupa Chup. Mmm...that's the stuff!
The Fucker was out. By 'Fucker' I mean Ben Fielding (aka the 21 Arms Giant). It was his birthday and Muddy from Quarantine promised him a free drink! I gave Muddy the biggest bitch eyes in the history of the world, I swear, I must have burnt holes through his head! I don't think Ben got his drink, though. He doesn't deserve a thing, he is the world's biggest asshole. Anyways, I'm over it...
Belinda began her initiation to the Arms by getting into the spirit of Lesbian Appreciation Night up on stage with the 'other' Bel. It was mildly amusing (actually I just about pissed my pants with laughter, but hey, that's another story!)
Luke also out, but due to whatever reason, wouldn't have a conversation with me. But hey, it's all sorted out now. Sigh, I won't get to say goodbye to him before I go away. Sob, sob Kel, who cares?!
Me and Benny had a war with these two chicks on the podium. They were trying to push us off, so we gave em a few shoves and they fell off. Trouble was, they kept coming back for more! It took us a while, but we finally got rid of em by giving them the biggest shove in history. One of them fell on the floor. Teehee! Oh well, we won, bitches!
I've come to the conclusion that guys are absolutely clueless. First, there was the guy that just stood there staring at me on the podium. He was feral. He was last spotted getting it on with that whore chick, who appeared to be kissing every single guy she could see! Then there was the Beer Garden guy who decided to come up to me and Emma. "What are you two lovely ladies doing sitting down? May I have the last dance?" Yeah um matey, find someone else. Please.
Me and Meg stumbled through the front door at 6am.
Sunday - Road Trip! Yes, me and the Megster took a little drive to Torquay to get stoned with the boys. Hehe, just kidding. Big g'day to Camo, Sussan, Jezza, Conan and Ben!
Highlight of the night was a tie between the car breaking down, Camo and Ben having a bubble bath together, and playing Nightmare at 1am. I'm currently in therapy.
Well guys, I will see you all when I come back -- I'm off to Queensland for two weeks. I leave on Wednesday (at 6.30am mind you) and come back on the 16th. Keep the message board going, it'll give me some entertainment for when I come back! Say g'day to the boys from Quarantine for me, I'm missing them already!! I'll have plenty of goss for you all when I return, me and Megan are going out clubbing in Surfer's Paradise before I head up to the Sunshine Coast, so stay tuned for perve updates on spunky buffed Queensland boys!
NEWS OF THE MOST FANTABULOUS LAST TWO WEEKS -- 17th Sjuly 2002
Well guys, I'm baaaaaaack! I've just had the most wonderful two weeks in history, but where to begin? I guess the most logical place to start would be...well, at the start.
Wednesday, 3rd July
Thursday, 4th July
Friday 5th July
Saturday 6th July
-- THE PARTY CRUISE --
Sunday 7th July
Monday 8th July
Tuesday 9th July
Wednesday 10th July
Thursday 11th July
Friday 12th July
Saturday 13th July
Sunday 14th July
Monday 15th July
OUR LAST DAY -- Tuesday 16th July
Ok, back again. I'm now sitting in a little plane (only a Boeing 717) at Coolangatta Airport. Fifteen minutes to blastoff time. This airport is pissy compared to Melbourne, it only has three gates!! Plus, you have to walk outside and climb up bad stairs to get into the plane. how uncivilised! Ok Kel, enough picking on the airport. It's not it's fault that its inferior. There's a spunky fella sitting across the aisle behind my mum. He's the only guy spot so far. Oh, apart from the rooftop soccer fellas and the sexy plumber who was giving me the eyes at the resort this morning. Mmmmhmmm...
OK, well the sun is setting and the airport's lookin' pretty. Two ladies behind me are having a whinge coz the airport security people took their nail files, nail polish remover and nail polish. "They took my $300 hairdressing scissors!" Um, tell me why you'd be taking that shit on a PLANE!!! Fair enough to take it, but um, wouldn't you put it in your luggage, not CARRY ON!!! As if you'd sit on a plane and paint you nails and cut you hair, I mean REALLY. People give me the shits. Back later!
5.20pm. We're just above the clouds. Its sunset and very pretty. Ahh...You can see the ocean and everything. Back later!
5.43pm. The sunset to the west is beautiful!!! I'm bored shitless. Me and Bec just played half a game of paddocks and some hangman (in which she called me a skank). Ooh, here comes food! Back later!
5.58pm. Ew, plane food.
6.46pm. God damn, I'm so bored. No more updates on the hottie behind me...except he has a blue discman. God I'm bored. Where's Cosmo when you need it? Oooh, juice! Me want juice! Back later!
7.10pm. Hovering over the city of Melbourne. Pretty lights. Damn it, we're in shitty Victoria. Not happy Jan! Argh, we're landing. God damn, I hate this bit!
Ok kids, well there you have it! The novel formerly known as Kel's Trip To The Best Place in the World. Hope to see you all out this Saturday night for 'Kel's Welcome Back to the Wonderful And Ullustrious Ballarat'. Come to see the Queen of Kink strut her stuff on the podium and give it up for Quarantine!
NEWS OF THE WEEK -- 22nd Sjuly 2002
Wow, what a weekend. It wasn’t too thrilling, just a hell of a lot of shit happened. Let’s begin with Friday Night.
Friday night, me, Belinda, Megan and Kim ventured out to check out the nightlife. Yes, we all know Friday nights blow but hey, there’s some very funny (and some very scary) people out on Fridays. First stop was Rattle n Scum. Our mission was to find Clinton (translation: hot guy who plays for the Miners that I’ve been messaging recently). We gave up on our mission after about 1 ½ dances on the dance floor when we couldn’t find him.
Next stop was Extrem. Bloody Extrem. I hate Extrem. We had half a dance and departed post haste. I think this was about the time that we lost Belinda.
Next stop on our miniature pub crawl was The Dog. We went to the loo and came out.
Our fourth and final stop was…yep, you guessed it. Even when it blows I can’t stay away. The Arms actually wasn’t too bad when we got there! Me, Megan and Kimbo bought VIP Medallions so now we get in free and we get to skip the line! Woohoo, isn’t life grand? Oh it is, especially when the guy that takes your name and address and everything is very extreeeeemely hot. Mmmhmm.
I made friends with some chick in the toilets (guys, you’d be surprised at how many friendships are made in those little cubicles!) I was a little tipsy by this stage on Wipeout & Pineapple (drink of the moment – we’re too poor to buy Malibu!) so I got very excited when some song came on. I don’t remember what it was, but all I remember is that I came dancing out of the toilets by myself doing some weird arms and legs dance. Very weird.
Us chicks were pretty screwed after dancing for about 4 hours straight, so we went and had a sit down. Some guy then made it his mission to either chat us up or scare the shit outta us. I’m not sure which was his intention, but he certainly achieved the latter! Apparently my shoes were “Too cool for school” and I was a lesbian, Kim was “Cowgirl” and Megan was…um I’m not sure. Anyways, he got us up for a dance and then proceeded to piss off as soon as he got all three of us on the dancefloor. Yeah, now that makes sense!
Meanwhile, I was stalking a guy with a tattoo on the back of his neck.
When we got back to Megan’s, I proceeded to message Clinton and send him some (ok ten) messages about coming over. He was contemplating coming over (mind you, it was 5am!) but declined our polite (and slightly kinky) invitation, his reason being that he needed to cleanse his ears with something other than Nirvana. Yeah, that made a whole lotta NO SENSE. Damn Clinton.
Ok, well let’s cut to Saturday Night, the night when it all happens. After drinking at Megan’s, me, Chrissy and Meg hit The Arms. I went spastic when I went in, I was so psyched to see my fave boys again after my two weeks’ drought!! When they came on stage, I was so bloody pumped I just about died.
Who was out? Well, due to a birthday during the week, Linnie & Adam were there! How cool!!! Joining them were Ash, Jono and…Matt. Though Matt seems to have a phobia that I’m gonna try and attack him or something, so he left as soon as he saw me. Bleh. Nat, Melissa, Liss, Ben, Tenille, Nicole, Luke (Nic’s Luke, not “mine”), Corey, Hayley, and Ben Townsend from work were all out too.
Ok, so there was this guy…who is now freaking me out. I was stupid enough to give him my moby number, so …oh hell, I’ll explain later. His name’s Rob and he’s a little obsessive.
Anyways, he left about 3.30am, so I had the podium to myself. My Q-Boys actually seemed happy to see me. Muddy was winking at me, Mark was serenading me (and trying not to piss himself laughing coz his brother was there picking up), John was pointing at me and Dave came and had a chat to me after the show. Some other black fella (mmm!) kept trying to get me off the podium but I just wasn’t interested. I made up some bullshit story about having a boyfriend or something. He full on cracked the shits and stormed off. Hello, don’t people realise that Quarantine are my world and by ripping me off that podium, they’re not making Kel a very happy camper! Damn Quarantine virgins.
Oh, and before I forget – during my little chat with Dave, I got the scoop on some inside goss on the boys from Quarantine. What the go is, is that at the end of this month, they’ll have a two week break. They’ll then be back for two weeks, and basically continue on in the two weeks on, two weeks off pattern. This basically means that I’ll be walking around in a depressed daze every two weeks due to Quarantine deprivation. Sigh.
Sunday at Work – Hangover Day was…interesting. Basically, I served one of the most violent crims in Ballarat without realising it. He’s threatened two of my workmates (abused and followed one to her car, and made disgusting sexual comments to the other).His defacto bitch is the one that almost got me fired about 5 weeks ago. Anyhoo, they were up to their usual dirty work (stealing, using fraudulent store coupons etc) while I was supervising on Sunday. Are they bloody in love with me or something, my god!! Basically, we got the bitch to stand in front of the security camera (which was a good thing, considering she decided to abuse the shit outta me). I was left alone with them both at Refunds, while the cops were called, and I was packing myself the whole time. She was abusing, I was getting very very scared, and yes. If they ever come near me again I’ll run away!! I went to get lunch, and I just about ran down the escalator, grabbed my lunch and ran up to the safety of the tearooms again, in case they were down there. Ah, the perils of being a Refunds whore. Then, as I was packing up the registers, this drunk guy wanders in and starts chatting me up. “Um excuse me, we’re actually closed!” “Ohhh...so...when do you close?” “Um...NOW!!” Yeah, so then he decides to wander down the other end of the store, so I rang a manager to warn her. “Um...Michelle, there’s a drunk guy coming down towards you!” He finally turns around and starts staggering back towards me and the door. He starts to go out the door, but not before striking up a convo with a very scared lady and the store manager. God damn.
When I finished, I had to put up with Rob from Saturday night and his sms’s and phone call. Basically, it went like this – “Thanks for last night, babe!” and “You sound so sexy on the phone!” Umm…don’t guys realise that that’s just damn scary?!
Have a good week, everyone!!
NEWS OF THE WEEKEND -- 29th July 2002
Hey all! Well, I've had a very...interesting week. Firstly, I've had to put up with bloody obsessive Rob messaging me all week, then I've had more run-ins with shoplifting bastards, plus the Toy Sale at work has made just about everyone go a little more than insane this week. Sigh.
We started the weekend on Friday Night. Me, Megan and Kimbo went to a sex party (no, not an orgy like Rob thought, it's like a Tupperware Party but with kinky stuff -- "Oh, damn, I should have worn my "I love plastics" belt!") which was...interesting. By the way, we're organising to have our own sex party so you're all invited.
After the festivities of the sex party (yeah, I just like saying the phrase 'sex party'...so sue me!) me and Megan decided to venture out. A little tipsy on Wipeout & Pineapple (Queensland drink!), we made our first stop The Arms. Due to it being slightly (ok, a LOT) shit, we grabbed our five finger discount and hightailed it to The Dog.
Spoon was playing (catch their website with pics of us on it here! and Slick the bass player was slightly hottish. He burst a thing of confetti on Megan (and later apologised profusely, how cute!)
We left pretty early (about 3am) due to work commitments the following day.
Saturday Night ("get down, get deeper n down, get down it's Saturday night!")
Me, Meg and Belinda got drunk (well, I got drunk) at my place. The last Saturday night drinks at my house, ever! Sob!!
We ventured out to the Arms and claimed the usual posse on the podium. All was well until Meg turned to me and whispered, "Kel! Rob's here!"
Oh crap! My basic reaction was to yell "FUCK!" at the top of my lungs and to ignore him. So that was that. For now, anyway!
The Quarantine Boys were out in full swing...minus John. Oh poo < insert sarcasm here >...so we had to put up with HOT LUKE, THE BASS PLAYER. Damn!!
Muddy handed me the microphone during 'Blister in the Sun', so that was exciting. Mark seemed to not be his usual pumped up, flirty-with-Muddy self, I wonder what the go was there. Basically guys, according to Muddy, the boys will be playing every second week, with Mark's Brother's Band (sorry, I forget their name!) playing on their off weeks.
During a Quarantine break, when all my friends had wandered off to miscellaneous places, Rob made it his mission to talk to me. Pfft. He got up on the podium with me, and I just pretended not to notice him. He goes "I'm sorry about all those messages!" and I just jumped off the podium, made a quick visit to Dixie at the bar, and ventured out to The Shed. Yes, that's how much I don't want to see Rob. I went to The Shed!!!
Not much other exciting stuff happened, other than Meg finding out that most guys are assholes. Two words: fucking Eugene.
Oh, I saw all three of 'the boys' -- Ben F, Luke (:D) and bloody fucking Rob. Luckily, Ben didn't see me. Whew.
Ok, well sadly, that's how exciting my weekend was...sigh. Oh, but we met Taxi Psycho Guy (aka Flacco) in the taxi line.
Catch you all next week!
Alignment:
Neutral Good characters believe in the power of good above all else. They will work to make the world a better place, and will do whatever is necessary to bring that about, whether it goes for or against whatever is considered 'normal'.
Race:
Half-Elves are a cross between a human and an elf. They are smaller, like their elven ancestors, but have a much shorter lifespan. They are sometimes looked down upon as half-breeds, but this is rare. They have both the curious drive of humans and the patience of elves.
Primary Class:
Bards are the entertainers. They sing, dance, and play instruments to make other people happy, and, frequently, make money!
well kel i belive you are not over my good friend matthew yet. "yet" will you hurry up and get over him and untill do please remove this lie from your page.
i hope this little quote is not just so that your friends think that your over him. its been over a month and a half i think its about time you move on and find a new man/woman in your life. Ok, whoever wrote this is going down. I'm getting my brother to do a little bit of hacking and i'm sending you a wonderful virus. Hope you're happy, asshole. Also, take English lessons. If anyone else would like to join in on some major bitching towards this bastard (or help me run a key down a certain person's pride and joy of a car on Friday nite), click here! Oh, and is this person implying I'm bisexual?! ('Let's hope so,' I hear Dean say...)
Ok, in lighter news...Me and Dean went to see Jebediah play at The Arms on Wednesday nite. Thanks Dean, for holding me up. My brother is giving me shit coz apparently I was pointing excitedly at Phoenix (my kitten) and ranting "Put it in the trough!" Ok, I am a freak!
Mark: Ooh, you love Dave, do ya?
Me: Mmmhmm!
< Dave goes red >
Mark: Looks like Dave's got a fanclub going! He's got a cute smile, doesn't he!
Me: < insert drunken squeals here > Yep!
Mark: What's your name?
Me: Kellie!
Mark: Ok everyone, this song's going out to Kellie and...Kim!
Me and Kim and everyone in the Arms: Woo! < more drunken squeals >
- Target can't play netball
- Michelle is quite funny
- GTA is very very cool when you network your computers and you kick your brother's ass
- water is NOT to be used on woollen carpet!
- that guys that open car doors cause BIG ACCIDENTS
- Dean is hard to please.
The Place: Kel's, where else?
The Destination: Anywhere good for drinking and boys
The Events: Ok, well firstly, it was off to Extremity (aka Kel's most unfavourite place!). For the 10 minutes we were there, we spent the time in the toilets. The highlight was the Casey Sighting which basically went like this:
Casey pushes past us outside toilets.
Kel: Casey is a whore!
Kel attempts to run into guy's toilets to smash Casey.
Attempted Robbery - Yeah, we had a guy trying to rob a cash register. I won't go into details as my work would shoot me. But hey, I'm just the messenger.
Old Feral Guy - We had an old man pleasuring himself in Ladieswear, in front of a mannequinn. EWWWWWWWW!!! Lol, the Police had to take him away...*muffled laughter*
Really tall guys named Ben are assholes and a waste of space. (Hello, he was SUCH a prick to me! Muddy, if you're reading this -- NO MORE FREE DRINKS FOR THAT BASTARD!)
Don't ever try and help your manager. She'll hate you.
Take Dean's advice when it comes to guys.
Subway cookies are the best, whereas those cookies from the pre-made cookie dough are quite bleh-ish.
My twelve year old sister has a better lovelife than I do.
Sigh.
Here's to a weekend of drunken-ness, partying and getting over assholes named Ben.
Big thanks to Simon from Electric Mayhem for cheering me up with a lovely email. Thanks matey! Oh, and you can see yet another splendid pic of Me, Meg and Shell on their website here!
We arrived at about 12pm at the Anacapri Hotel, Surfer's Paradise after touching down at Coolangatta Airport. We are staying on the 8th floor, and the views are magnificent. You can see the ocean, the Nerang river, the Great Dividing Range, parks and the city skyline (explanation: about a million high-rise hotels). We went shopping today -- there are some great shops hidden between the million or so duty free shops and tourist places selling 'We Love Australia' shit. We saw the Arizona grid iron team at the airport, and then again in Cavill Avenue (shopping district). There are heaps of fellas here, I haven't seen one single feral one yet! I can't wait until me and Megan go out on the weekend!!
Stuff of the Day --
-the discovery of Meter Maids - chicks who walk around the streets in gold bikini's, topping up expired parking meters
-shops called 'Condom Kingdom'
GUY SPOT - 'Hot Dog Freako Guy'
Today I met up with Megan and her sis Rachael and we went shopping at a fabbo mall called Pacific Fair. It has everything. On the way there, Megan almost got hit by a bus.
Today we went to Movieworld. It was absolutely fabbo!! Megan and Rachael came with us so that was very cool. I went on the Scooby Doo ride (most excellent!), Harry Potter (shithouse, as expected!) and Batman 2. We also checked out the 'Movie Magic', Police Academy Stunt Show and 'Marvin the Martian in the 3rd Dimension' (which was tres annoying due to a girl next to me who get grabbing the air as the things lept out of the screen. So what if she was 4 years old, she was a pain in the ass!!) We had heaps of photos taken with the characters. Bugs Bunny accused me of pinching his ass. I was too afraid of Austin Powers to go near him. After that, me and Megan wound up at Shooters, an absolutely unreal club in Orchid Avenue (which is just a street full of clubs!). It was fabulous, it's like, better than the Arms! Oh my god, Kel! YOU BLASPHEMER!! It would have been even better if we'd had more than two drinks each. Sigh.
Observations --
-Bugs Bunny is very horny
-Harry Potter is lame above all lame
-QLD boys are hot, hot, HOT!
Guy Spot --
-Melbourne Guy
-'He's giving me the eyes' guy in white shirt (mmhmm!)
Went to Seaworld today. It was pretty cool, the dolphins were so gorgeous! I've decided I want a polar bear. My sister was lucky enough to swim with the dolphins (as well as the HOT instructor!) Lucky bitch. I left early to come home and get ready for...THE PARTY CRUISE.
Megan and I went down to Billy's Beach House at 5.30pm to meet up with everyone for the Party Cruise. When we arrived, we were each given a nut, and all the guys were given screws in varying sizes. These were to be used for one of the party games, in which the first five couples to 'screw' each other got free drinks. Megan got screwed. I did not. We stayed at the beach house for about 1 1/2 hours before walking down to the boat. We met these unreal chicks from Wollongong. They were our best mates for the rest of the night. On board the boat, we danced and danced and danced (and got pissed while we were at it). My new fave drink is Malibu & pineapple. I looked at my watch at one point and it was 8.45pm!! I couldn't believe it! Then again, we HAD been drinking since 5.30...
Melbourne Guy from Shooter's on Friday night was there! We made friends with him after he bought me and Megan drinks. We were talking for a bit and he asked for my number and asked if he could take me out for dinner on Sunday night. Ahh...
When we got off the boat (it was now 11pm), we walked down to the Bourbon Bar. On the way there, all the Party Cruisers formed a blockade in the street coz we found a busker dude playing 'Blister in the Sun' -- we went nuts. When we got up to the Bourbon Bar, me, Megan and the Wollongong chicks went psycho. We walked in and every single guy just stared at us coz we were just going psycho, we were sooooo pumped! These two gay guys were dancing with us and they were fabulous! I saw Melbourne Guy with another girl. I hadn't seen him for a while, so I guess he thought I wasn't interested or something. When he saw me, he looked so guilty and sorta backed away from the chick but I was having too much fun (and I was too pissed) to care. Plus, it was about then that I saw 'He's giving me the eyes guy in the white shirt' from Friday night. Nice eye candy.
Next nightclub stop was Cocktails & Dreams, another fab club in Orchid Avenue. I left about 1.30, due to having to get up early for bloody Wet n Wild the next morning. I stumbled the 6 blocks back to the hotel and fell into bed about 2.15am. What a brilliant night!!
I felt like absolute ratshit as a result of too many drinks and too much dancing the previous night. I got woken up and forced to go to Wet n Wild to get my pass stamped. Argh. We got there at 10am and I had full intentions of just getting stamped and going home, but that wasn't to be the case. I had to wait for THREE PAINFUL HOURS until the first bus came. Then the bus took an hour to get me home on what is supposed to be a 20 minute bus trip. Don't people understand that Sunday is hangover day?! I got home and slept. And slept.
Went to Movieworld again today. Nothing new to report -- though I did overcome my fear of Austin Powers and got my photo taken with him. He's damn scary ("Would you like to go...down?" and "Call me!") The rest of my family were unsuccessful in trying to get me to ride the Wild Wild West and the....LETHAL WEAPON. Umm hello, there's no bloody way you'd get me NEAR that!!
Our second last day at Surfer's was pretty uneventful...oh, except my parents bought a house on the Gold Coast. Yes, we came for a holiday and left with a huge mother of a debt! Woohoo! It's a 3 br house at Pacific Pines, near Movieworld. Us kids went shopping at Pacific Fair and exhausted ourselves yet again. We went out for tea at La Porchetta in Orchid Ave (nightclub territory -- it was opposite a strip club!) to celebrate our newly attained mother of a debt. Can't believe we're leaving Surfer's tomorrow!! I want to stay soooo much, I love it here! My mission for the Sunshine Coast is to have a holiday fling. Wish me luck!
Wisdom from Kel --
Don't wait until your last night in Surfer's to check out the hotties at the pool (one of which has been asking your little sister how old you are and if you're single)
We left Surfer's at 10am this morning. Sob!! We stopped off at Pacific Pines to check out our new block and the display of the house that's gonna be built on it. Pretty cool! The block is elevated and has a fab view of the mountains.
We arrived at Caloundra on the Sunshine Coast at 12.30pm. We're staying at the Rydge's Oasis Resort (its 4 1/2 star!) in a villa (explanation - sort of Spanishy apartment thing). Driving up the motorway, I was dreading Caloundra coz all we could see for miles was scrub and gross bushes. I thought it was gonna be some kind of bumpkin town with a couple of sheds (which would be hell after staying in Surfer's, the capital of cool!), but its a city! We went for a look at the shops in Bulcock St (yes, we laughed at the name too!)
Had a bit of a sleep in and got going at 10am. We headed off down a tourist route. First stop was the Ettamogah Pub - a replica of some pub featured in some comic strip (...or something). Next stop was 'Superbee'. Yesss....It was a pretty lame honey factory. The highlight of the day was THE BIG PINEAPPLE. the big Piney had come a long way since I last visited 15 years ago (hehe). Now there's four rides you can go on, which include a train tour, a rainforest tour (in which you travel through a rainforest in...yep, you guessed it, a macadamia nut. Very classy!), a water tour and a petting zoo thing (which has rainbow coloured chooks...weird). Jared and Bec walked around calling out "Hey, its a llama!", which was only actually funny when they came across some ostriches. Too much 'Dude Where's My Car?' for them!! We climbed the infamous Big Pineapple. Me and Bec have vowe to make a bigger pineapple and call it 'The Giant Pineapple that Kicks More Ass Than the pissy Big Pineapple'. We came home from the Big Pine-o through Maroochydor and I just about exploded from excitement when I saw a herd of sexy fellas...running. Ahhh...There are also sexy fellas here at the resort...some of them are American. Mmmhmm!!
Today we went to Maroochydor for some cool shopping at Sunshine Plaza. I bought a ton of clothes. This chick in Bocoo wouldn't stop touching my hair ("Oh my GOD! I LOVE it!") We then went up to Noosa and had a quick look around but I didn't like it much -- too stuck up there. We came back to the villa and I finally got the courage to go in the spa, but there were no fellas. Sigh. It looks like a lonely Saturday night for Kel.
Sigh. Saturday and I'm home with the parents. Turns out that EVERYONE is home in Ballarat and is hittin' the Arms without me. Today we went to the Australia Zoo, in hope of a Steve the Croc Hunter sighting, but to no avail. He was nowhere to be found, the skank! Oh well, I found a hot guy and stalked him while I was in the otter enclosure. That was the highlight of my trip to the zoo. How sad. After that, we went for a little drive around the Glasshouse Mountains (beautiful, but they're the weirdest looking bloody mountains I've ever seen!!) We got lost, but hey, we found a macadamia farm. I'm happy to report that me and my family are now hooked on those bloody nuts. And here I was three weeks ago, complaining about the cost of a tic tac addiction! Came back to the villa and hung out in the spa, hoping for a hottie's sighting. HOTTIES TALLY: ZERO. Sigh.
Today we checked out a couple of markets in Caloundra and then went over to Maloolaba to look around the wharf. Then my family decided to torture me by making me walk the whole way around the boardwalk (which consists of one big mother of a bridge -- for anyone that doesn't know, I have a phobia of bridges. I HATE them. And that's not particularly good when you're in QLD and there's bridges EVERYWHERE!!)
We went back to Caloundra. Me and Bec were absolute pigs and treated ourselves to Magnums from the corner store. GUY SPOT #1 - Corner Shop Guy. Upon paying for our disgustingly fattening icecreams, Bec whines "Kellll, he's looking at me funnyyyy...!" and I was like, "Um..ok..!" and he just smiles at me and goes "Have you ever been so tired that you're just...stupid?" and I said "Um yeah, like every Sunday morning!" and he just laughed and that's the end of my story. Hello, I'v had ZERO GUY INERACTION for a week! He was cool. And hottish. Ahh. From there, we went back to the resort to commence pool activities -- swimming in the freezing cold pool and attempting to look sultry in the spa. Dad, Jared and Bec went to play tennis, so me and the mother went to build up food stocks. GUY SPOT #2 -- Tom, the socccer guy. Tom and his mate were playing soccer in front of our villa. HELLO! Later tonight, we went down to the spa again. There, we found three hot, hot HOT American fellas. I was in heaven. GUY SPOT #3 - Red Shorts Guy was talking to me. The convo went something like this:
RSG: So...how old are you?
K: 18.
RSG: How old do you think I am?
K: Dammit, I always get this wrong!
RSG: C'mon, have a guess...
K: Um...I dunno...20ish?
RSG: (insert laugh here) 20?? I'm um...16.
K: Um (insert big DAMN here) ok...
Anyhoo, so they get out and then heaps of these other Americans get in (there's a group of 40 16-17 year old Americans staying at the resort). There's like, 4 guys and 7 chicks (all cheerleaders. They were all size 6 and comparing who was the thinnest. One guy, Matt, wouldn't stop talking about his balls. We got out.
A very lazy day today. None of us could be screwed doing anything exciting coz we've been going flat out for two weeks. We finally pried ourselves from bed at 11am. This afternoon was spent at a most exciting place (insert sarcasm here) ...the Gingerbread Factory. Woo-bloody-hoo. We went of a train ride, which was pretty exciting, considering we were moving at about 2kms p/hr. After tea, me and the siblings made our way to the spa for a last attempt at a Queensland boy perve, but to no avail. Sigh, woe is me, all of that. I don't want to leave tomorrow.
Sigh. I don't want to leave!! Right now i'm sitting in out rented Mazda in a carpark, perving on two topless boys playing soccer on a nearby rooftop while my parents do something to to with the house. Yes, I'm back in Surfers! Ahh. Sorry, but the Sunshine Coast has nothing on the Gold Coast!! Surfer's Paradise is exactly that - paradise. Ben just rang me and told me its 9 degrees in Ballarat and raining. EW! I sooooo don't want to go back there!! Yeah so anyway...we left the resort at 10.15am, along with all the fellas I DIDN'T pick up, the maids, the pay tv, the spa and those little guest soaps. Upon returning to Surfer's, everying in the car gave a contented little sigh as we rounded the bend and saw the beautiful sight of the high-rise hotels before us. Damn it, why do we have to leave all this behind?? Back soon, we're off to the airport.