Friday night after work, I met Chrissy, Bel, Jarrod and Ben at Eureka Pizza n Pasta for (an extreeeemely late) tea. There, we were treated to such entertainment as Drunk Guy pushing over a whole table and both chairs upon entry into the restaurant. With him, was a hottie that we affectionately like to call Red Shirt Guy. Mmmhmm. He was just a little delish! Anyways, the night got off to a kick start when Drunk Guy decided to pass out on the table. Red Shirt Guy spent the next half an hour outside, laughing at his slightly intoxicated friend. Aww...what are friends for?
We hightailed it back to Benny's house to drink ourselves silly, but not before we went to check out Western Bottle Shop Guy (who tried to convince Ben to buy me a keg of Woodstock -- hello, they were only $35!)
First Stop was The Arms to collect our cool Five Finger Discount drinkcards. We were like, the only ones there, so me and Benji had a very quick dance to some Kyles before stumbling back to the car.
Next Stop was Extremity (yes, bloody Extrem!!) I found Leigh Leigh, gave him some kisses and headed for the dancefloor to put on a public display of my drunken dancing. Me and Ben got into a "Chrissy, come with meeeeeeeeee!" fight, which ended when I ended up on the floor.
Next Stop was The Dog, where I caught up with DJ Guy (yes, the one from Linnie's party last year!) and he still remembers me! Inside The Dog, there was a band that we didn't take much notice of coz it had a chick lead singer. How boring!
Next Stop was The George, where we ran into Red Shirt Guy (the one from Eureka) who got kinda scared when I started mumbling stuff about drunk guys and pizza to him, until he finally recognised me. Even then, he was quite scared I think. From there, I proceeded to perve profusely on the lead singer from the duo that was playing. I sat on a couch and drooled at him while Ben & Chrissy went back to Extrem. First, there was Lighter Guy, who was sweet enough to give me his lighter after I asked to borrow it, then there was Old Dancing Guy trying to get me to dance with him (mind you, he was about 45!), and then there was Drunk Music Buff who kept touching my leg and asking me if I liked Bon Jovi. I got scared and ran over to Chrissy and Ben, who were guzzling their supply of Imitation Passion Pop at their secret location in Camp Street.
After stopping in at Extrem (again...sigh!), we stumbled over to my haven, The Arms. I went to get a drink and this guy named Ross tried to pick me up. "So...what's your name?" -- freak. I later saw him get kicked out. (Muhahaha!) Another highlight of the evening was the guy that tried to pick up Chrissy. He was wearing a t-shirt and kept rolling his sleeves up so you could see his tattoo. Sure, it was a cool tattoo, but hello?!
THE NEXT DAY AT WORK
DJ Guy turned up! That was mildly amusing enough in itself, but then he proceeded to exclaim "Party Queen!", then launched into a conversation with one of my workmates about how much of an alcoholic I am. Thanks, mate!
SATURDAY NIGHT
My first night at my new house. I cooked Kim dinner (overcooked chicken and veggies) and we proceeded to drink ourselves silly. We headed straight for The Arms (where else??) to catch Crave (the band thats NOT Quarantine!) They were actually pretty fabulous, though I spent most of my time on the podium perving on Matt, the lead singer. Mmm...
The band were really great -- they did a fabbo cover of "Land Downunder"! I was a little confused, as last week Muddy told me that Metrik (Mark, the Quarantine guitarist's brother's band) were playing, but I'm not complaining. These boys were great (and slightly HOT as well!) so I'll give them the seal of approval. It kinda made the pain of not seeing Quarantine a little more bearable.
I saw Luke, and things are good between us now. We're over the 'weird' phase and can actually hold a conversation! Yay! He left pretty early so I messaged him and he was pretty fucked. Fair enough.
I came home at 5.30am.
SUNDAY AT WORK
I was supervising, so I HAD to go and count the Sound register while Luke was there...hehe. He looked a little worse for wear, considering he'd had about 4 hours sleep.
So that was my weekend. Also, you can check out a cool pic of me and Megan (one of my housemates) on the Spoon website here!
Hope you all have a great week!
NEWS OF THE WEEKEND -- 13th August 2002
Well guys, another weekend has been and gone. And yes, I spent the the weekend getting wasted as usual.
Friday Night...
This was interesting...Me and Megan decided to gatecrash Simon Dunbar's 18th birthday party. We spent most of the time scouting for potential housemates. We even went as far as asking this psycho Ryan guy. Now that is desperate! We intended only to stay until 10pm but when we found out that Matt would be there at 10.30, we decided to wait it out until then to see the look on his face when he saw me. (And believe me, it was worth the wait!)
We had full intentions of going out and hittin' the town, but we got as far as the supermarket and decided we couldn't be screwed. So we went to bed.
Saturday Night...
I started off at Mum & Dad's place. My godparents were there (as well as Bradd, their 17-year-old son that I have a bizarre relationship with). His brief to me before I left to get pissed at my place was that I had to pick up a 25-year-old black guy with pimples that was hung like a horse. Uh-huhhhh...
Back at my place...me, Kimbo and Megan set about lookin' pretty and gettin' pissed. We all decided to get really dressed up (our story if anyone asked was that we'd been to a 21st). Me and Megan drank half a bottle of tequila each (plus I had about 4 bourbons) so I was pretty much trashed by the time we decided to venture out to The Arms. I sat in the taxi singing "Meet me at the coffeeeeeee-shopppppp...!"
We walked into The Arms and my night started out perfectly when I turned around and...THE QUARANTINE BANNER WAS UP. I literally screamed and jumped around and danced and ran to the dancefloor to claim my spot on the podium. It took them like, forever to start (I think it was about 1.30am by the time they started playing) but I didn't mind coz Hot Luke was playing. Mmm...delish.
The night just got better when Leigh turned up. Then Belinda. Then Halley. Then Dean. Then Ben Fielding (who was on crutches due to recent knee surgery). Then LUKE. Ah. Perfect night.
I almost fulfilled Bradd's prophecy when this black guy literally pulled me off the podium. I said no way coz he didn't have any pimples (and I don't know if he was hung like a horse).
I don't really remember much else to say...how sad! I think the only thing that happened was that the weird black guy tried to pick me up again and Megan told him that I was taking her home that night, so he left just a little freaked out. Shrug! It did the trick!
Me, Megan, Kimbo and Dean all went back to our place and fell into bed. I awoke the next morning for work with a mighty hangover and panda eyes.
More News...
Well, we've solved the housemate dilemma -- BELINDA AND JARROD are moving in not this weekend but the weekend after. I think this calls for a massive PARTY!!
Also, freako Rob has just messaged me, STILL wanting a relationship. Whats a girl to do?!
Alright kids, have a fab week -- catch you all at Tenille's Party!
NEWS OF THE WEEKEND -- 20th August 2002
Well, another weekend has been and gone. After a shocking week, I decided to go out and get blind with all the party people. The night started at Tenille's Part-ay...
THE PARTY BEGINS...Me, Meg, Benny, Jarrod and Bel rock up to Tenille's a bit after nine, ready for fun, fun, fun. Armed with Tequila and a whole stack of lemons, we made our way out to the shed to get the party rockin'.
Who was there? The list of ullustrious party go-ers included the forementioned, as well as Mel, Ashling, Hayley, Mog, Shell, Sandford and many, many scary boys (Tenille's bro's mates).
The rest of the party is a bit of a blur due to some over-indulgence on the tequila. Here's what I do remember --
- Sandford got paranoid that Megan was sleeping with Noel so he made me ring Michael to make sure they were in separate beds
- Juanita got paranoid I was cracking onto the guy she likes so she sent Ben over to distract me (which he did by kissing me)
- Me and Shell rang Gav about 50 times and invited him and Matt and Ash to my house for a party
- I was wearing the little hat off the tequila on my head
- I was laying in Tenille's bath, just about passed out
- Some guy was cracking onto me and talking to me about cars (I think it was cars, I kinda switched off after a while)
- Some other guy was holding my hand the whole way to the Arms
THE ARMS...
First thing I remember was yelling out some crap to all the people in the line from Meg's car. Then I was chatting up the VIP bouncer guy and I gave him a kiss on the cheek. Then I gave Pieter Haans a kiss on the cheek. Then I gave the Cloakroom Chick a kiss on the cheek. Then I went to the loo and gave about a million chicks kisses on their cheeks and proceeded to stand at the door and welcome everyone that came in to the ullustrious toilet by saying "I am the Bathroom Greeter, have a most wonderful night!"
I claimed my posse on the podes for some long awaited Metrik action. It was well worth the wait, all the boys are quite delish (esp. lead singer guy! Mmmhmm!)
Oh my god, guess who was out? Scary Black Guy. And this time, I was drunk enough to kiss him. From then on, he wouldn't leave me alone! I started dancing with Jo-Jo Action and Kathy and all those chickys but he still wouldn't piss off, so luckily a very sweet boy named Nathan rescued me from his clutches. More about Nathan later.
I remember very little about the rest of the time at The Arms...I don't even remember much about Metrik (Mark from Quarantine's brother is the drummer...not quite up there with the Q-boys but are definitely very cool. The only downside is that they do 'Quarantine-isms' -- they copied alot of things that Quarantine do when they change lyrics to some songs).
Back to Nathan. He was dancing with me for ages on the podium and yeah you can guess what happened next. He bought me water. What a sweetie. Hehehe.
While I was with Nathan, I ventured into the shed. Yes Kel, the queen of the front room, went into The Shed! Hope I didn't give anyone a heart attack there or anything!
We exchanged digits when Tanya (Dean's sis) dropped us at my work Sunday afternoon. Ahh! I then got told off by a manager for being hungover every week. Sigh. What's a girl to do? Oh well, Nathan's coming over tonight so that makes it all better :D
Hope everyone has a brill week, I'll be sure to catch you all very very soon. A big happy 19th birthday to Tenille! Also, it seems that we have a new addition to our message board homies -- Muddy from Quarantine has posted on there! Big yays over here!!
NEWS OF THE WEEK -- 26th August 2002
Sorry everyone for the lateness of this update...severe lack of internet in Kel's house this week! Apologies!
"Hey Muddy you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, hey Muddy!"
Well, another weekend has been and gone, and what a fab weekend it was! It was the infamous Kirsty moves weekend (which also meant Jarrod and Belle moved in - YAY!)
The first order of business on Saturday Night was to go and watch Tamara's Deb. She looked so beautiful, it was hard to believe that she was the same little year 9 girl I met two years ago on the bus. Anyhoo, congrats to Tam and her spunky partner!
We left the Mercure Inn and hightailed it to Kimbo's house for a Steve sighting (oh, and to pick up Kim, of course!!) Following that, we headed over to trusty Safeway to buy lemons (no prizes for guessing what we were gonna be drinking!)
Upon arrival at our humble abode, we noticed there was an extra body on the couch! Yes, Meg was here! Poor Meggles has had a shitty week, her car was broken into and her wallet, bag and moby were stolen (though the bag and wallet minus the cash were later found floating in a lake at Victoria Park, full of condoms...uh...yes. I don't know whether to vomit or laugh).
Other party people that arrived for the 'Pre House-Warming Party' included Jarrod and Belle, as well as the Sultan of Smut, Bad Boy Bennito! Oh, there was much rejoicing.
Since we were downing Oyzo, Cougar, Tequila, Cruisers and god knows what else, everything turned a little hazy after a while. But somehow, John got drawn on (for those not in the know, John is the resident pencilcase. He is yellow. "Where's John?" "I think he's behind the couch, gettin' jiggy with the colouring book!") and now sports phrases such as "Go in ya bastard!" and "Megan is a sexy bugger!" (gee, I wonder who wrote that!)
Jarrod was kind enough to drive me and Kimbo to The Arms at 12.30am. I was slightly paranoid I'd miss out on my podium posse and miss the delectable...QUARANTINE! But there was nothing to fear, coz the only person on the podium when we arrived was a guy sitting on the edge who looked like he was about to pass out. I think I stood on him.
The others turned up later on, but the best was still to come...
QUARANTINE (yay!) kicked off another brilliant show with 'Blister in the Sun' (me and Megan went psycho -- its our Queensland song!) Hot Luke (no, not THAT Luke, Quarantine Luke) was playing, so me and Kimmy spent most of the first set drooling. Oh, and laughing at a certain Matt. I'm just hanging out for a night when Luke, Nathan, Ben Fielding, Stalker Black Guy, Obsessive Rob, Clinton and Matt are out. I'd just have to die, me thinks. But anyway, back to QUARANTINE!
Halfway through their first set, me and Megan decided to steal a Quarantine poster off the speaker at the front. After much rolling/folding/scrunching, we finally got the prize possession to fit into my bag (which is quite an achievement, I must say!)
The highlight (well one of them, anyway!) was when Muddy threw two Freddo's at me, which I tried to catch with no luck because (a)he was talking to me at the same time and (b)I was slightly intoxicated. Luckily, Kimbo was on hand to find my Freddo on the floor. Thankyou, Kim!
I stayed on the podium the whole entire time I was out. The only time I got off was to try and pull Casey off some other guy that had blood pissing out his nose. They both got kicked out.
I met my future boyfriend (according to Megan), Glen. He seems nice enough. I also saw Clinton (for those not in the know, me and Clinton only know each other through SMS. The last message he got from my phone was one that Megan sent saying "Hey baby, wanna fuck?" Needless to say, he wasn't that excited to see me).
After the ullustrious QUARANTINE finished (sob!), Muddy yelled out to me, handed me a beer, gave me a few hugs and promised to come on the message board lots. I was pretty damn psyched!
It was a pretty early night for Kel...I was home at 4.50am, after spending some quality time with that nameless guy who always seems to be in Meg's car. Our conversation consisted of me and Megan offering him sexual favours at our House of Sex. His payment was to be in pancakes and bacon & eggs.
THE NEXT DAY AT WORK...
I was more than disappointed when I rocked up to work without a hangover the next afternoon and Mel wasn't there. (For those not up with the times, Mel is a manager at Targe, who told me off last week for being hungover every week. Apparently coz I'm a supervisor, I'm supposed to set an example...?) Also, Muddy, if you're reading this, you have fans everywhere. Halley came up to me and was bitterly disappointed when I told him you guys played. He was bailed up at home with a crook leg (he pulled a muscle kicking the winning goal that put his team into the finals -- at least it was the winning goal!) so he couldn't come out. He's totally in love with QUARANTINE.
OTHER SHIT THAT HAPPENED THIS WEEK
- Well, I've decided to give Nathan the ass. Seems as though he's just using me. Sigh.
- The washing machine jumped 50cms. (Has to be some kind of record, right?)
- John lost his innocence.
Anyways, here's to another fab week -- make sure you clear your schedule for the 8th of September -- the party to end all parties. We've had the pre house-warming party, now its time to bring out the big guns. It's gonna kick off around 7.30pm, so give me a bling bling on the moby or email me to let me know if you're coming. Everyone's invited!
NEWS OF THE WEEK -- 1st September 2002
Kel's done it again. Yes, that's right. After a night of sniffing textas (?!?!), drinking waaaaaaaaaaaay too much tequila and just being a dickhead in general, I now have a substantial hangover.
The night began at our house (surprise, surprise!) after my extreeeeeeeeemely shit day at work. Other party go-ers included Meg, Christine, Jo, Kathy, Lindy, Sarah, and of course, Megan, Jarrod and Belle.
I don't know how interesting this update's gonna be on account of I don't remember much.
I went out with Kinky written on my arm, and I Put Out (thanks to Belle) written on my back in UV pen. This seemed to attract many strange boys. Oh, and one feral old man. He asked me what exactly it was that made me kinky. I got scared.
The delectable Metrik were rockin' the house, which was quite exciting coz the whole band is pretty damn hot. Especially the lead singer. HELLO! The bass player had freaky contacts in, and since I was slightly sloshed, it took me about 3/4 of the night to actually figure out what was wrong with his eyes...oh dear.
Big Hello's to Shell, Cassy, Tenille, Melissa F, Melissa B and Nat, who were all partying to their heart's content. Big Happy Birthday to Melissa C, who turned 19 the other day. Big FUCK YOU! to Katie (you know, that bitch Katie from school?) who decided to be an absolute scrag and push everyone off the podium. The only time she let up was when Megan told her that she was friends with the bouncers so she should stop being a fucker. Katie proceeded to hug Megan. Megan got scared.
I actually lost Megan for ages...I asked Glen (aka one of Megan's pals who she has been trying to set me up with for ages) where she was, but he hadn't seen her either! She returned, looking quite frazzled. Turns out she'd been lying in the toilets, passed out for an hour and a half.
We stumbled in the door at 5:30am, after a very interesting car ride with Ben. Ben was extremely plastered, and kept exclaiming the whole way back to our house, "Ow, my oesophagus!", and "Argh, my stomach!" every time we went over a bump. Upon arrival, I kissed his window. He looked at me, screamed, then yelled at Meg, "There's a dog at my window!"
Hope everyone gave their dad's a lovely Father's Day, I'll see you all this Saturday at THE PARTY!
NEWS OF THE ULLUSTRIOUS WEEKEND -- THE INFAMOUS PARTY -- 9th Sept 2002
Well, the weekend was full of...interesting things. Here is just one person's account of the infamous House-Warming Party. I will post other people's accounts of the night as they come to hand. Enjoy!
The party begins...
People started rocking up to our humble abode right left and centre. I got very drunk very quickly. Damn tequila to hell!!!
The night is quite blurry. I remember flashes of things...here they are in no particular order.
- Dean turned up, complete with house-warming present. It was a little wind-up jumping penis.
- I rang Ben's mum, asking where Ben was. Only problem was, he was standing right behind me. She was a little confused.
- I fell into the TV and onto a pile of CD's. For any anguish I may have caused in this little drunken incident, I am deeply sorry.
- I tried calling Adel's fiance to tell him off for not letting her come out to the Arms with us.
- I told Ben to fuck off about 50 million times. I'm sorry for slamming the door in your face, Benji!
- Jesse from work turned up, wet (?! It wasn't raining!!), drunk and out of breath. He then proceeded to make plans for filming a lesbian porn movie. I won't reveal who were the lead roles, but I can tell you that I was to be the boom operator!
- Megan went to the Western Hotel Bottle Shop to see our fave bottle-o man, Western Bottle Shop Guy. She scribbled down our address, gave him my phone number and told him to come to our party. Needless to say, he didn't turn up.
- I told Meg I wanted a piece of her pie (AGAIN!)
We ventured out to The Arms at about 12.30am. Meg spent the whole way telling the taxi driver how she was going to be a lesbian from now on coz she's had it with guys. The taxi driver was lovin' it! We all piled out of the taxi and ran to the Arms. I'm not sure if anyone paid the poor guy!!
We lined up in the VIP line (muhahahaha!) and went in to my home away from home. It was at this point that I lost Jesse and gained Kelli.
I found my two friends on the podium, Mon's Older Sister and Mon's Older Sister's Friend (we're reeeeeeally good mates!), so that's how I claimed my posse this week. It was not long until my boys Quarantine made their way onto the stage, minus the ullustrious Dave (who decided to chop half his finger off in a lathe accident two days prior), and John the bass player. Hot Luke the bass player was nowhere to be seen. I was quietly sobbing.
They opened with the song to end all songs, 'Blister in the Sun'...I looked everywhere for Megan to sing it with her, but alas she was nowhere to be found. (For all those not in the know, it's one of our Queensland songs -- we got a busker to play it at 11pm for us in Cavill Avenue, Surfers Paradise).
The highlight of the night was when Muddy dedicated a song to me. It was that "Take me back to you, it's been a long time..." song! Yay! He was in the middle of singing it when he yells out "This one's for Kel!" I just about wet my pants with excitement.
I had Matt dancing near me for much of the night with Jono. That was...interesting.
I got to dance on the podium with two gay guys. Dammit, why are the gay ones so damn hot?!
I spotted Quarantine Dave having a drink over on the ramp, watching the boys in action. I gave him a wave, he waved to me with a heavily bandaged hand. He has had plastic surgery and it's just a little sore, I've been told.
It was almost the end of the night when my world came crashing down. I was talking to Muddy when he told me...(insert drumroll here)...that...HE'S LEAVING THE BAND. I seriously almost burst into tears. He then consoled me by telling me that he's got a new band, BLOWN. So there's some comfort in that, but it won't be the same! I'm gonna keep my prized Quarantine poster for ever and ever! SOB! :( Oh, also there's an ammendment to the Quarantine Shrine...I have been informed by the man himself that 'My Little Ray of Sunshine' is not indeed his girlfriend, but his 2 1/2 year old daughter. Awww! There's a little Mudster running around somewhere!! Anyways, you can catch Blown at the Arms on the 21st of September. Quarantine (or what's left of them, anyway!) will be back in action once they've found a new front man. I think I will volunteer. Getting to hang out with those guys all the time? Yes please!! (Hey, I can sing too! Bonus!)
I lost just about everyone by the end of the night, but I didn't care coz I got to hang out with Muddy and get my pic taken with him! There will be pics from the party and out at the Arms up on here within the next two weeks, I promise!
A big thankies to everyone who made the night so great -- my wonderful housemates, Megan, Belle and Jarrod...plus Kimbo, Meggles, Benji, Adel (my 2nd mum), Renee, Cassy, Tenille, Linnie, Ads, Glenn, Glenn's friend, Jamie, Jesse, Kelli, Leigh, those three guys that were at my house, the taxi driver to the arms, the taxi driver/counsellor on the way home, Sandford, Megan, Noel, Kristy...MUDDY, and all of those that I've forgotten. Thanks again!
I got home and there was about 30 bottles hidden IN MY BED. Among the collection of bottles was a 2 litre bottle of milk, and some air freshener. Thanks, Ben!
I had fun at work, getting shit from Jesse and having Benny mention the lesbian antics while I was serving a customer. Needless to say, she walked off very quickly.
Have a good week everyone!
MEG'S INTERPRETATION OF THE INFAMOUS SATURDAY NIGHT, AS TOLD BY MEG
hey hooker!
i thought i might fill u in on MY version of the night as you have requested......if i could remember it.
i do remember that it included a bottle of mudslide and way to much cheap wine. and that i ended up in Megan's bed then Kellie's. i have however been filled in on my shenanigans by various people. Bryce just told me we 'got it on' and suck his tongue out at me (im at uni) im very SCARED! i remember i was talking to some guy that looked like silent bob for most of the time i was at Kellies....and that i spent the rest of the time ringing various men on my phone who were very scared by my propositions and auditioning for lesbian porn. Oh God. That Jesse guy from Kel's work is going to be so scared of me......... I don't remember much of the arms, probably because i was only there for 5 minutes. Apparently i talked to Nick on a certain fuckhead's phone...for the purpose of this message we will call this fuckhead 'Khe sahn'. yes i told him i loved him and that he should come to arms cause i wanted to give him a hug. he showed up to the arms. i'd already left. needless to say he was very pissed off with me and didnt talk to me for 2 days but we made up and now he is taking pleasure in telling me all the stupid/obscene/kinky shit i said to him and Khe sahn. anyway the rest of the night is kind of a blur although i do remember arriving at Kel's in a maxi taxi. i love those things. anyway happy birthday in advance megan, i love u in a special, special way! i talked to mum about your fella she said he is nice, sorry i didnt reply to your sms. i have no credit on my phone thanx to my stupidity/drunkeness on saturday night.
i love you all very much and i hope to see u all at Megan's!!!!!!!!!!!!! woohoo! im so excited!
love moo!
p.s. feel free to edit, especially if i have any mistakes. and me love you long, long time!
NEWS OF THE WEEK -- 16th September 2002
Hey guys, me back again for another round of crazy weekend news. It was Megan's 21st and there are many stories to be told! I'll start at the beginning, which is a very good place to start (isn't that from some movie or something?!) Anyhoo, let's get down to it.
Me, Megan and Kimbo all got ourselves ready at our house. When we were ready to go, we went out to the car in our costumes. Now, no-one ever drives down our street, but in that 30 seconds it took us to walk from the door to the car, about five cars and a chick walking passed us.
When we arrived at the Cattle Yards Inn, a car full of P-plater fellas were in the bottle shop. Just our luck. They yelled out something weird about Santa to Megan (she was dressed up as Mrs Claus) and drove off. Then Old Bottle Shop Guy decided to join in the taunting. We ran inside.
Inside, we found Little Cute Kid. He was convinced that Megan was Santa's Helper and me and Kimbo were the reindeer...okayyyyyyy. He was accompanied by Old Drunk Guy, who kept saying stuff to us but I couldn't understand it underneath all his slurring.
The fun began when everyone started arriving. There was an assortment of characters, including me (angel), Kimbo (evil angel), Andrea (Mary Poppins), several Geriatrics (they looked fab!!), a mexican, Kristy and Sarah as Audrey Hepburn, a gangster, Rachael (Miss Kensington from Austin Powers), Alana (goth), and plenty more. But my two fab friends, Beg and Men (aka Meggles and Benji) turned up as a Naughty Nurse (complete with condoms shoved in her bra!) and a Milkman (he had socks shoved down there and had 'Doing the Rounds' written on his back). Unfortunately Ben kept stabbing me with his 'package' and doing illicit things to a milk bottle.
After Megan's speeches (in which there were quite a few amusing stories told), we had a toast. Unfortunately, I had no drink so I grabbed the nearest thing, which just so happened to be a jug of beer. I got laughed at.
We left the party about 11.45pm and got a taxi with Feral Drunk Farmer Boy. Throughout the whole trip, he kept telling some story that involved horseracing, a dog and some people. I dunno. All I remember is the taxi driver chick absolutely pissing herself laughing. I was laughing at her more than F.D.F.B.
When we arrived at the divine Arms, I was in a very very scungy mood due to my slightly sloshed state so I gave like, 50 cents to the guy to pay for the taxi driver. He told me I could buy him a drink to make up for it. I ran straight into the Arms to get rid of him, leaving poor Meggles behind to deal with F.D.F.B. Oh well, she loved it.
We attracted alot of attention upon entry (remember, we were still in costume!) and I kept hitting people with my wings. There was hardly anyone there, so we quickly claimed our podium position in preparation to see the lusty Metrik (pics on here soon, I promise! We got some shots of Hottie Lead Singer Guy (aka Daniel, I think his name is...?!) so be on the lookout for those (and the pic of me and Muddy!!)
Ben didn't make it out. Turns out he'd passed out at like, 11:30pm and had to be put to bed by his new man, Andrew. One word, Ben: Malibu.
Metrik were lovely enough to wish Megan a happy 21st (ohhh so HOT! They're fast catching up to Quarantine in the obsession stakes, god help 'em!)
Guess who was out. Bloody Stalker Rob. Meg kept telling me where he was, and once I caught his eye, made some vomit faces, hoping he'd get the picture. He didn't come back after that, thank god!
We were all pretty screwed by 4am (pikers, we know!) so Glenn was nice enough to drive us home. It was the earliest I'd ever been home, I think!! Didn't matter, coz we ended up talking for hours and I ended up getting to sleep at like, 7:30am. Luckily, Mel wasn't at work to yell at me ('You're supposed to set an example, you're a supervisor!' <---grr).
The countdown to Pacifier has begun -- me, Megglish and Glenn are heading off to see them Friday night (20th Sept) at the Lyric in Geelong. All are invited to see my latest obsession perform live!
Oh also, I have the latest scoop on the band situation at the Arms -- and it's goooood! Muddy emailed me, and told me all the goss. Basically, the Quarantine site has been taken down. Sigh. They are yet to find a new frontman. Muddy's band Blown will be playing Saturday night. The band comprises of...wait for it...HOT LUKE on bass (!!! argh! We're in heaven!) and two other guys, Trent on drums and vocals, and Brad on guitar and vocals. Big yays over here! Muddy said he's hand-picked the fellas for us so they're 'easy on the eyes'...we'll see about that!
Have a good week everyone!
Kinko Kel
NEWS OF THE WEEK -- 23rd September 2010
Why hello everyone! Firstly, before I tell you about my bloody huge 'weekend' (it started on Thursday night), I gotta say a big hugz and thanks to my fave man, Muddy. Aside from dedicating two songs to me on Saturday night, he also gave me a Milky Way. Aww! Bless him.
Yeah, so Thursday night...well me, Meg and Megan were sitting around on the couch when we decided to go out. Whilst Meg was receiving obscene sms's from a certain 'Khe-San', me and Megan set about drinking.
Khe-San wasn't allowed into Extrem so we unintentionally ran into him outside The Dog. The Dog was packed, there was like, no room to move. Not alot happened, but the highlight of the night was getting to watch Simon Matthews dancing at the Arms. (Muffled laugh).
Oh, and of course who could forget the Khe-San incident. Its Meg's story, but sorry Meggles, the whole world has to hear this one! Casey asked to go to Meg's car, and Meg led him in the opposite direction. Just as Casey was trying desperately to convince Meg that he wasn't drunk, he proceeded to fall face first into the gutter just as the cops decided to drive past. Meg ran. And ran.
Friday night was the infamous Pacifier gig. It rocked (the casbar). One of the supports, Plunga, were fab so expect big things from them sometime in the near future. I've come to the conclusion that the lead singer of 'Fier is a few screws loose. However, the boys were great live (like, even the songs on the album that I don't even like much were great!) Everyone has to come down to Geelong in October to see Sum 41 and Unwritten Law rock the Lyric. Shall be fab!
Saturday night I didn't start drinking til I got home at like, 11pm. But due to the fact that I hadn't eaten since like, lunchtime, I had four glasses of Fruity Lexia and I was feelin' fine. Fruity Lexia = newest drink obsession, get it into ya! (lol! I can't believe I just said that!!)
We rocked up to The Arms fairly damn late, but somehow still managed to get our prime posse on the podium. It was a while before the ullustrious Muddy realised we were there, but he gave us a wave and continued to do his thang. He gave me a Milky Way and dedicated two songs to me -- 'Little Things' by Good Charlotte and 'Take Me Back to You' by Noiseworks. Ahh...Lovely. Michael Lancey was lookin' at me weird after that though. Bleh.
We left just after I got my bi-weekly kisses and hugz from Muddy. I'm sorta over the whole going out thing, I just go to see the bands now. Sigh.
Oh by the way everyone, Andrew (Ben's boy) is a fuck.
Have a good week!
Kinko Kel
NEWS OF THE WEEKEND -- 29th September 2002
Oh my fucking God. Yes, that is the only response I have to our antics on Saturday night.
After a week full of love, hate, war and, well...sobbing, I was hardly ready to venture out on that fateful night. In fact, I had planned on staying home. Oh my GOD! I hear you squeal. Yes, it is true. But thankfully, I had my homies knock me to my senses and I was able to go out and have one of the best nights in history.
We ran over to Benny's House, where we found Sandford's Mum and Juanita. Juanita didn't look too happy, but we cheered her up and made her come out with us. I twisted her arm (literally).
So off we trundled to Juanita's House, then to the wonderful Safeway (the fresh food people...bringing food to liiiife...), where we proceeded to make fools of ourselves and run into Tenille and Simonne. More people for our ever-expanding party!
So basically, there was me, Megan, Ben, Juanita, Simonne and Tenille all set for a night of frivolity. Oh my GOD some funny shit happened. Let me enlighten you...
- There was a lot of kissing.
- There were a lot of rubber gloves, condoms, additions to the Pink Book and bottles.
- We drew all over Juanita's back with a tattoo pen.
- Megan and Simonne attached condoms to their hair.
- Juanita attached like, ten rubber gloves to her belt. It was supposed to keep score of how many people she was gonna hook up with that night. Basically, she'd give em a pash4, then a rubber glove, then so on and so forth. The only thing was, she continually referred to them as her 'udders'. (Eg. "Here, take an udder!")
- Me and Juanita invented a band called 'Josie's Pussy'
- Ben tried to poison me by putting a shitload of vinegar in my wine. Needless to say, I drank it and just about died. I was just about passed out on the couch temporarily.
We finally got out at like, 1:30am. We had to make a pitstop at Extrem, where Juanita set about strengthening her tally for the evening. I ran into Cool Nick and...*drumroll*...BEN FIELDING. He hugged me. 'Twas tres weird. I hightailed it outta there.
By the time we got to The Arms, I'd missed the first set of the delicious Metrik (now with added Dave goodness) but I was too pissed to care (it'd taken me like, 4 drinks and I was nuts...due to a recent piercing of the tongue, I hadn't eaten for a couple of days).
When Metrik returned (pics coming soon, I promise!), Juanita set about blowing up some of her rubber gloves and throwing them at the band. Daniel, Scott and...that other guy started playing footy with them. Was slightly amusing.
Ben Fielding decided to come over and say hi. It was quite strange as he'd spent most of the time we'd spoken in Extrem about how much he hates the Arms and how he couldn't believe I was going there. Does anyone else sense a bit of weirdness going on? Plus, he proceeded to stand right next to me (he told me he was 'calming down'...he apparently was going to smash some guy through a wall). I was getting quite scared at this point. Thankfully, he lost interest after a while and left.
I've decided my new obsession (besides Listerine *vomit vomit* and really small food) is Daniel from Metrik. Ahhh. I went up to him after they'd finished and said "Daniel, I am going to steal that poster." He looked at me for a moment, and said "How do you know my name?" I gave him a scary smile and said "I know everything....muhahahaha!" He kinda went "Uh huh" and I went "Geez you're fuckin delicious" and went on my way. Needless to say, me and Juanita were able to steal the Metrik poster, which now adorns the living room wall along with my beloved Quarantine poster. Later on, Daniel and Scott (you know, the asian one that Meg's got her eye on) decided to go for a little walkies. Me and Juanita followed them and before we knew it, Scott was dancing at us. It was mildly...weird. It was a funny little 'arms and legs shaky-shaky' dance.
After that, we hung out in the beer garden, where we met up with one of Juanita's mates. His name was Pete. Now, Pete seemed to have a litttttle obsession with my tongue ring. Oh, and he is reeeeally into lesbians. Like, reeeeeeeeally.
Me and Juanita staggered down to a taxi just before 5am. Juanita was still a little drunk as a result of drinking a hell of a lot of Bundy, so when we got home decided to fall over the vaccuum cleaner, hit her knee, and piss herself laughing. The laughter went on for bloody ages. Then she decides to sleep in my bed. I swear, the laughing made my bed shake. Thank goodness she fell asleep/passed out relatively quickly.
Hope everyone had a fabbo week, I sure as hell didn't but hey, what can you do. Catch everyone soon!
Kel Kel
REEEEALLY BELATED NEWS OF THE WEEK -- 9th October 2002
Since it's been like a week since we went out on Thursday, I really can't be screwed updating the site this week. I've had an absolutely awful week and I'm sick and...bleh. Sorry guys, it's my week off.
Oh, and HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY to MEGGLES, who was celebrating on the 8th.
I'll perk up for next time, I promise.
Love Kel
NEWS OF THE WEEK -- 15th Smoctober (Smoctober! LOL!) 2002
Yeah guys, I'm reeeeally sorry but I didn't go out on Saturday night so I really have no news! I promise I'll have a huge one this weekend to make up for my laziness the past couple of weeks. I MISSED MUDDY. Will I ever forgive myself??
Til next time!
Kello
NEWS OF THE WEEK -- 20th Floctober 2002
Hey guys. This has been a tough week. Our cherished friend Gabby from work died suddenly from a cardiac arrest following surgery on Monday night. She was a vibrant, caring girl with a wonderful personality and a smile that could lift anyone's spirits. She was only 16 years old. Our thoughts and heartfelt sympathy go out to her family, her boyfriend Ash and her friends at this sad time.
Upon entry to The Arms, we noticed that there was a new band to grace the stage that night. Their name was RESURGE. I stole their poster. That brings my collection up to three.
The countdown to 'Kel's Turn To Size Up the New Band' was on. Me & Kimmy claimed the podium posse and got set to rate the band.
Ok, well here's my views on RESURGE.
PROS
- They play a nice mix of songs, including the Chili's, that new one by Good Charlotte and heaps more
- They have good stage presence -- they have a little platform that the band members go crazy on throughout the set
- They aren't afraid of the audience -- the lead singer was constantly playing with some chicks fairy wand, tried to set a chick up and got one other chick to dance with him on stage, after he affectionately dubbed her 'Supergirl'
- The drummer doesn't like to wear t-shirts
CONS
- They are not as delicious at Muddy and/or Metrik
- They played 'Complicated' by Avril Lavinge, which just so happened to be the song they played at Gab's funeral that day, which left me jumping off the podium and sobbing, which made Paul Quinney decide to come over and give me a hug. Anyone else got any clues?!
- They only play two sets! What is with that?!
- The keyboardist doesn't seem to know that the meaning of a hat is
THE BAND
Lead Singer Guy - semi cute, good character, can sing (which is a good thing when you're the singer)
Keyboard Guy - cutest one out of the lot, has one of those cool guitar-like keyboards, had a hat with no top.
Drummer Guy - No shirt, woohoo! Nice tattoo, and a kick-ass drummer. I'd even compare him to Dave. OOOOH! I hear you exclaim! He's THAT good.
Fuzzy Bass Guy - He's fuzzy.
Guitar Guy - He was pretty damn good on his guitar. He can play it behind his head!
Ok, so there you have it. A new band on the scene. They promised they would come back to Ballarat. What does this mean? Do we lose the divine Metrik or my lover-boy Muddy?? I will have the answers for you next week.
Hope you all have a great week, coz "Thiiiiiings....can only get betterrrrrr....!"
Another weekend has been and gone...and it was another weekend where I didn't go out. I swear, something is wrong with me lately! Oh well, still a couple of tales to tell...here we go.
Friday Night -- Sandford's Housewarming Party
Yes, the Sandy-man has relocated! This new place of his is damn nice, its a brand new two storey. We broke his garage door.
Saturday Night -- Jesse's 21st
Yes, Jess-wah has turned the big 2-1 we got pissed to help him celebrate. There were many many Target people there, so it was quite funny to watch them make dicks of themselves (not that I was one of those dickheads...ahem.) I learned that eight Breezers in two hours doesn't do anything good for your body. I passed out in Glenn's car. Very embarrassing.
Also, I have some awful (and astonishing) news for everyone...Muddy is not coming back to the Arms. Thats right, my favourite man on the planet is ditching us for the Armadale Hotel. Anyone else feel like a little road trip to Melbourne? I'm really upset! He wrote me this massive email, and it was lovely...here's a few of his parting words.
So it is with this email, I thankyou for your kind words, your patronage, your friendly smiles, your screaming of song requests, your dropped catches of my give a ways, but most of all, I thank you for being you...........your genuine nature and party attitude is what makes playing covers worth while. I will miss it, up there. but I have taken something special from everything that is 21Arms.
Ok everyone, don't forget that it's MY 19TH BIRTHDAY on Thursday the 31st, so all are invited to get pissed with me on both Thursday the 31st of Oct and Saturday the 2nd of Nov. Drinks at my place, just give me an email for directions etc. See you all there!
Have a good week everyone, no shenanigans!
The Kink-meister
NEWS OF THE WEEK -- 4th November 2002
Hey guys! Well, as of last week, I'm another year older and smiling lots more than I have been lately. Still having Muddy withdrawals, but hey, what can you do!
Thanks to everyone that made my birthday more memorable than it could have been...well let's get started with what exactly made my 19th so bloody fantastic!
Thursday 31st October -- My Birthday
I had Kim, Cassy, Tenille, Cassy, Belinda, Jarrod and Alex invade my house for drinks. Well, me & Kimmy drank our hearts out (I ran through a rosebush and aquired numerous cuts on my leg) and left the sobor ones drinking...well, not a lot. The soborts left and me & Kimmy set about wreaking havoc on the town known as Ballarat.
Well, actually I didn't really wreak alot of havoc that night...big hand to Juanita, who managed to steal a Midori cutout off the wall at Extrem. Megan and I scouted the walls/floors/roof for more things to steal...our wish list included a ceiling fan, a disco ball, a piece of the wall with 'cockfight!' written on it, and the big barrel that sits in the corner. Our tactic was to shove it up our tops. Unfortunately, it was a little heavy to get out without some kind of forklift.
Saturday 2nd November -- My Fake Birthday
This was one of the best nights I've ever had in my 'going out and gettin' smashed' career (apart from my first night out at the Chapel...which is apparently opening over summer...WOOOOOOO!!!)
Firstly, Liss Forbes, Meg, Belinda, Linnie and Adam came over to my joint. Then me, Linster and Ads trotted off to Zoe Armstrong's place (she's got the cutest little bump! She's 5 months, soooo cute!!) where a party appeared to be taking place. Situated at the party was Michelle, Kate, Lauren, George, Linden and miscellaneous other Damascus people. Me, Lauren and Katie decided to head off to Rattle for a fun-filled adventure, where we asconded Seco (I got his moby number, I'm cool!) and ran up the road to the Regent, where I physically ran into Emma Beczy! She's back until Christmas, how cool!
After using the bathroom (and making a mental note to go back there, like a hundred times coz it's very cool), we headed for the luscious 21 Arms.
Inside, I found Bel and Meg, who had ran into the lusty Metrik at the supermarket earlier that day. Soooooooo incredibly jealous! Anyways, Meg had a surprise planned for me...
DANIEL FROM METRIK ANNOUNCED HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.
Ohhhhh! I was psyched! If Obsessive Rob wasn't standing next to me, I would have been in heaven. Eloise decided it would be a cool idea to try and rip Daniel's pants off.
I was dancing on the good ol' podes when a familiar face came over. Yes, it was Nathan. And he hugged me. Um...that's all I can say! Another person that approached the podes was Cynthia Burns (I know you guys all didn't like her, but I always got along with her fine!) Anyhoo, she didn't recognise me! Teehee! I suppose it's been like, 5 years since I saw her last and I've changed just a little. Bleh. Anyways, her friend decided he would try and kiss me. But, being the responsible and lovely gal I am, I said "Sorry mate, but uh, I got a fella" and with that, he jumped off the podium.
During a Metrik break, I had a little chat to my mate Danny Boy (the singer) and told him I had photos of him. He got more than a little scared and without saying a word more, I ran away. He looked a bit confused/scared/pale.
Later that night, two fellas decided to come and have a dance with me and Kimbo on the podes. One was *HOT* and he decided to kiss Kimmy. His friend, who 'had sticky-out ears' (according to Kim, I was a little too trashed as a result of too many birthday drinks to notice) decided that he would kiss me. I had to do the whole 'fella' spiel yet again. Sigh.
After Metrik finished, Daniel came over and had a little chat to me. The scoop is: once they pay more money, their site will be up once more. This is good for us because website = delicious pics of the band boys (or Scott, if you're Meg). Also, they will be playing for the next two weeks, which is good for us coz we get to see the lusty Metrik instead of the not-so-lusty Resurge. I may pay Muddy a visit after these aforementioned weeks. Kim tried to steal Daniel's drink. He wasn't impressed.
Caught a taxi home with Deano, Kimbo and Deano's chicko. Me and Dean didn't actually fight in the taxi! This is some kind of record! Maybe he was trying to make a good impression in front of his new chick (or maybe we were too busy catching up to think of something to fight about). Turns out that taxi drivers aren't as dumb as you think they are. This one knew what the fifth amendment was (but he couldn't actually find my house!)
Anyhoo, thanks to Meg, Ben, Kim, Juanita, Megan, Linnie, Adam, Melissa, Belinda, Jarrod, Cassy, Alex, Tenille, Metrik Daniel, Leigh, Kate, Lauren, Zoe, the cute dog, Seco, Camo (go Camo, go!), Alan (aw! Love you matey!), Emma, Crystal, the many horny fellas at the Arms, Cynthia, and of course, GLENN for a fantastic birthday! Thanks so much to all these guys and anyone I've forgotten (I'm so sorry!), I'm eternally grateful!
Alright guys, another week has been and gone...hope you all kept out of trouble on the weekend (by the sounds of things, most of you didn't!) Have a most excellent week, don't do anything I wouldn't do (I'm not sure if thats good or bad advice!)
NEWS OF THE WEEK -- 11th November 2002
Kel is single yet again. We broke up on Saturday night, so I decided to go out and get trashed. I was not a happy camper.
I tottled over to Lana and Steph's house (aka Carl Kierce's house!) for a little post-breakup shenanigans. I discovered these cool new Woodstocks that contain 8% alcohol instead of 5%. This means that Kel gets pissed quicker. Yeehah!
Yeah, so I was full of those and all set for my first night of single-dom. We headed off to the Dog where I met Sandford and his mum. I had a very insightful conversation with Sandford's mum. I know at the time, I thought she was my best friend and seemed to know everything about everything, but I can't for the life of me remember what in the hell we were talking about. Shrug.
I then proceeded to bag out the band (they were shit, alright?!), make a dick outta myself in front of Steph's gorgeous boyfriend, and met a carnie. Yes, that's right...A CARNIE.
We headed off to the wonderful and exciting Arms where my boy Daniel (from Metrik) grinned at me as I approached the stage. I made friends with a girl who was only after one thing. Yep, you guessed it. My drink. As soon as we finished it, she dumped me. Sob.
During a Metrik break, Hot Scott the 2nd decided to jump up on the podes with me and Liss. Ohhhhh...it was fab. That was until the bitches from the other podium physically stole him away. Not impressed.
Cut to the end of the night. It was about 4.30am and we were having a fab time being absolute wankers (by this stage, it was me, Ben, Nicole (who has also recently become single, the poor dear!), Liss, Melissa, Emma Beczy and some other party goers I didn't know. Anyways, I picked up one of the fellas with some 'help' from Nicole. By this stage it was 5am and we were getting kicked out. This bloke, I think his name was John (??) had become somewhat attached to my arm and refused to leave. So we tottled off to Liss' car. I was fully intending to say goodnight but he just jumps in the car and goes "So...where are we off to?" I just stood outside the car with a look of disbelief on my face, grabbed him out of the car and said "Uh...maybe some other time, mate!" and jumped in the car. He was a cutie (I think...I was pretty trashed) but hello, I'd been single for like 10 hours and I was ratshit! So we went and got hot dogs. The end.
Hey guys. Well, I somehow (barely) survived my first week of singledom. Kel is a very lonely chickadee. Sigh.
Anyways, enough moping around! I scored myself a copy of The Little Mermaid so I've been pretty content.
I guess I should fill you in on the little bit of weekend goss that I have. It aint much, the weekend was largely uneventful. Basically, I got pretty tipsy with Kimbo on Saturday night and we tottled off to the Arms. When we got there, we were treated to the (wonderful??) sight of the Resurge banner. Sob. I've decided I'm going to launch a "Bring Back Muddy" campaign.
Anyways, we got quite bored due to there being a whole ten people there, so we scuttled over to the Dog, where we caught up with Mog, Mel, Kristen, Sarah (Target buddy), Steph, Damien, Tenille and Michelle. Oh, and we were treated to the delights of a very drunk Andrew Cassidy ("Praise the Lord!", I hear Ben scream). He got very freaked out when I told him that Ben has the same shirt as him. Oh, and when I said "I think Kim has a thing for you!" (I laughed for quite some time).
So off we trotted, back to the Arms. I had found my medallion, so I was quite stoked at this point. In we hopped, bopping away to the sounds of Resurge, who looked a little hotter this week. The singer had lost his pink sunglasses, the afro guy had a hat over his afro, and the *HOT* keyboard dude had lost his half-hat (which he later retrieved from the fourth dimension, otherwise known as The Band Room).
The singer dude kept singing to me. I wasn't sure whether to be flattered or freaked out. It was probably the latter, considering that Obsessive Rob had decided to park his ass right next to me. It was slightly funny because Kimbo's 'hot will-you-jump-me-coz-I'm-horny' guy from the other week is friends with him. Hard--dee--harrrrrr!
We boogeyed on til the wee hours of the morning, until we decided that there was no talent available. We marched on down to the taxi rank, where we found a very drunk Webby behind us in the line, along with Franga and miscellaneous other dickheads that unfortunately went to our high school. (Apart from Webby, he works at Targe so he's cool).
They decided that the security guard looked like Hogwart from Harry Potter, so they kept exclaiming phrases such as 'Hogwart, go find Dumbledorf!", and shit like that. They also had a fork, which they constantly referred to as the 'slayer fork'. Webby seemed to be quite afraid of the slayer fork. They then decided to announce to the whole line that Webby fucked Lancey. Apparently they no like Lancey. Do any of us like Lancey? Enough said.
So that was my night, largely uneventful. Hurry up and come back to the hole (I mean Ballarat) everyone!!!
Happy Birthdays to Dean and MY MUM! Big piss-up at Dean's on Wednesday night, everyone! I'm hosting the party, Dean just happens to live there. The guest list reads like this:
* Kel
* Dean
* All available guys in the area
If you fall into any of these categories, feel free to drop around!
Have a fabbo week everyone, don't get too pissed (yeah whatever)
Love from Kel the Fool
NEWS OF THE BLOODY SHIT WEEK -- 27th November 2002
Holy fuck. Sorry, but that's the only way I can think of to cap of this past week. It all started on a little day called Last Wednesday.
Yes, as you would all know, last Wednesday was Ballarat Cup Day (translation: the day-long pissup which melts into the night-time pissup). I was one of the party go-ers, as were Dean and Joel, who both came out with me. We had a little birthday celebration at Dean's House with Kimbo, Benny, Meggles and Melissa before us three (the most pissed) headed off to the Views. It was on the way there that we decided that driving into a church would be a good idea. Shrug. Upon arrival at the Views, Joel handed me a drink that tasted somewhere between bourbon and vodka. Maybe it was both. Whatever it was, it added to my trash-ness.
So anyways, Joel found two blokes that seemed willing to drive us over to the Rhino. Their names were Nameless Driver Guy and Macca. The whole way there, Macca was turned around in his seat, staring at me and saying "You're goooooorrrrrgeous!"
We entered the Rhino (after Joel got told to remove his less-than-sexy cowboy hat), and left after I observed people dancing on the bar and I hooked up with Macca (I took pity on him coz he stood there on the dancefloor for close to ten minutes, just staring at me. Actually, I lie. I didn't take pity. He was cute, and I was drunk. That is that.)
By this stage, it was just me, Macca and Nameless-Driver-Guy coz Deano and Joel had left me there allll alone. We decided to meet them at the Thirsty Dog. Upon arriving at the Dog, we were greeted by a very drunk Nameless Drunk Chick. She had chips, so we let her in the car. We took her up to Rattle, but when we got there she decided she wanted to go to the Dog after all. Shrug. By this stage, Macca was asleep in my lap.
We skipped the line and ran into the Dog. I (thankfully) lost Macca somewhere near the toilets. Shrug! Anyhoo, I found Juanita and we put on a show for all the boys. They were lovin' every second! We found this Married Guy, who told us that at that point, he wished he wasn't married. I met up with >Leonie and all her spunky boy friends. I kissed one of them, but i don't actually remember it. Oops! Also, at this point, me and Joel had decided to have a competition to see who could be the first to make it to ten. At the Dog, he reckoned he got up to eleven, but I didn't see him score once! I was up to three, yeehah!
We all got over the whole Dog experience, so we walked/danced/stumbled over to THE ARMS. Yes, my home away from home was a-rockin' and it was cool. We found some more fellas on the street, so there was this big drunk pack of us stumbling past the police car that was pulled up on the curb. I snuck past. My tactic was that if I got arrested, I would get my wonderful daddy to bust me outta prison. Muhahahaha.
So we got to the Arms, and I met a Dwarf Guy. Yes, well Dwarf Guy was about 40 and quite gross but he kept trying to kiss me. I gave him a couple of kisses but he wouldn't piss off! So his friend, Plait Man, had to pull him off me. It wasn't that hard, considering he came up to about my waist.
Despite Dean's wishes, me and Joel hooked up and it was yay. We found Leonie and her tribe of fellas again and the cutest one (who had been trying to kiss me since I met him at the Dog, also the only one with a girlfriend!) asked me if I'd have a threesome with him and his friend I'd kissed earlier. I was very flattered, but declined due to the fact that HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND and I doubt that the other guy had been consulted about this little arrangement. Shrug. Anyhoo, I got quite teary-eyed as the last song for the evening was 'Complicated', so I just about burst into tears and we went home. And that was the end of Wednesday Night.
Saturday Night was my little sis' 13th birthday party. And God, things have changed since I was thirteen!! I mean, I found Ben's sister behind the shed with two boys. She came out complaining that one of the boys had given her 'sex hair'. Also, my dad was horrified to find a condom in the backyard. Actually, I was kinda horrified at that, considering my little sister is so young and innocent (innocent? Yeah I know, bad description!) The little shitheads also broke both our garage doors, which was nice of 'em.
Anyhoo, after downing several drinks and slut-dancing with Benji, resisting the kiddies' many attempts to steal our booze and explaining how much it hurts to get tattooed, me, Meg, Ben and Kimbo decided to nick over to Bradshaw Street to continue our little party of our own.
Shell and Sandford decided to join in the party at the house. I don't remember much else from that point on.
The night at the Arms was shithouse. I mean sure, the lusty Metrik were playing, and I got my photo taken with Daniel, and Cassy was there, and Daniel got freaked out coz he realised that me and Kimbo were stalking him...but it was still one of the shittest nights I've had in a long time!
Cut to the taxi line: I think this was the highlight of the night (other than Ben's slut-dance antics). I saw Dean and Julia further down the line, so I waved them up coz they would be coming in the taxi with us. Anyways, this chick decides that it wasn't fair for them to 'cut in line', and she proceeded to hurl abuse at me for the next five minutes. I tried reasoning with her, this other guy decides to step in and try and calm her down, but to no avail. I told her, "Look, you're still gonna have to wait the same amount of time coz they're coming in our taxi!" but she didn't seem to understand that. And she kept going on and on and on about it, so in the end I just said "Shut the fuck up, you stupid bitch!" and got in the taxi, bringing Kimbo, Dean and Julia with me. Muhahahaha!
So anyways guys, I'm so sorry about the lateness of this update, but due to recent events involving a certain ex-friend (involving several of us winding up at the Ballarat Police Station on Monday), I've been kinda preoccupied. For more details, simply ask me. I'll be happy to tell all!
Alright guys, well hope you had a better week than I did!
Love thy holiest Kellotta
NEWS OF THE 'BLAH' WEEK -- 2nd Deck-shember 2002
Hello, hello. Well, what a week. Isn't it fun when one of your workmates hates your guts? Today I got put on cleaning duty. This entitled me to the privelege of cleaning the perspex.
Anyhoo, enough complaining! Today I got a letter from the ullustrious VTAC telling me I got an early offer from Ballarat Uni! I got into Professional Writing and Editing! Woohoo!
Saturday Night ("Get down get deeper n' down, get it's Saturday night!") was the infamous Big W Christmas Party. Here's what I remember...
- We had a conversation about brazillian waxes in the taxi on the way there, much to the amusement of the taxi man
- The party was in a back room because they had two functions on that night. I sobbed at the bouncer "You put us out here because you think we're ugly!"
- I kissed numerous people but don't remember kissing them...oh, except Ben's Uncle, who forced me to put his number in my phone. Riiiiiighhhttt...
- I got offered two jobs.
- I did the 'Get Fucked' dance to some woman who doesn't like Ben
- I struck up a conversation with the hottie barman ("Hey, don't I know you from somewhere?")
- I did the Macarena holding a glass of wine. Think about it. It doesn't work.
- People kept crossing their fingers like I was the devil at me because I work at Target
- I found a chick I grew up with who apparently works at Big W!
- I asked some hot guy to dance with me and he refused! Asshole!
- Ben kissed me on the stage, right in front of everyone to try and confuse his fellow workmates...*sob* I got used and abused!
- I sat in the toilets and watched some chick spew her guts up. For some reason, it didn't gross me out at all...ew!
- I made friends with Rakeish and Travis (managers at Giant W)
- I rekindled friendships with managers Rachel and Beryl (Beryl is extremely cool)
- I'm sure I flashed my undies at everyone about 50 times, getting up on that stage!
- 'Gay Zach' kept coming up to me and complaining that all the chicks were getting more action with him than he was...This means Zach wants Ben BAD.
Ok, so thats about all I remember from the party. Me, Chrissy and Meggles left and teetered off to the The Regent. I saw Tommo! (Definition: Hot Aaron that used to work at Target). We then went off to the Arms, where Meg and Chrissy proceeded to ditch me at 1:30am without telling me they were going (it's ok, you're forgiven!) so I was left to dance by myself for ages. That's when I got a scary black stalker (yes, ANOTHER ONE!) He was cute, but couldn't kiss for shit. Basically, the convo went like this:
Black Guy: Come back to my place.
Kel: Um...no thanks!
Black Guy: My parents want me to find woman to settle down with. That woman is you.
Kel: I don't think so, buddy!
Black Guy: But I like you!
Kel: You don't even know me!
Black Guy: But I will get to know you.
Kel: (insert frantic hand actions here, in case he couldn't understand english) Go away! Find someone else!
Black Guy: But I want you.
Kel: (aggravated scream) GO AWAY!
Basically, this went on for quite some time before he pissed off. He then came up later and I had to pretend I was with Leigh to get rid of him.
I also saw the bass player from Metrik in the front dance room...sussing out the competition I'm guessing...?
Also, Dean's friend Joel was ringing me for a lot of the night. This was a bit of a shock as I hadn't given him my number...DEAN! Anyhoo, we were going to meet at the Arms but I couldn't find him and I had to leave at 3:30am due to work commitments the next morning. So he rings me when I'm at home, tucked up in bed and wants me to come back out. I was like, IN MY PJ'S! I told him I'd catch him next week but no, he was going to Queensland for not a week or two, but three months! So much for that idea...
I got to work in the morning and my fellow supervisor decides to start ordering me around (I got put on bag duty for fucks sake!) so I cracked em and stayed clear of her in Refunds. When Jo came in to take over from her, all she did was bitch about me. Jo, being my friend, told me that Deidre doesn't think I do enough work. Well, would she like my all day Saturday shift? I think not. So, as I mentioned previously, it seems I got punished by being forced to clean perspex today. Hrmph.
Well, it's been yet another crap week (hmm I'm still waiting for a certain ex housemate to return my clothes and phone that she has given to someone else) but hopefully it will get better. Stay tuned until next week when I reveal all the goss from the Target Christmas Party (yay, Luke goss!)
Bye everyone, "Peace Out!" (too much Cruel Intentions for Kel)
NEWS OF THE WEEK (AND THE INFAMOUS XMAS PARTY) -- 9th December 2002
What a night. It was the night that I threw a kebab at Adel's head, the night I embarrassed myself in front of my workmates, the night that Kim kissed the delicious Brad, the night that I got nominated for the Most Consistant Hangover Award, the night that JUANITA KISSED LUKE WHILST I WAS SITTING NEXT TO HIM...let's start at the beginning.
After finishing work at 5:15pm, I ran off to meet Kelli and Kimbo and we all ran off together to my house (well, we drove, we didn't actually run). Whilst getting ready, I had a couple of drinks...whilst in the car, I drank some more drinks...then when we got to Benny T's, I had some more to drink...then in the taxi I drank some more. So you could say, by the time I had gotten out of the taxi (squished up against Luke, no less), I was feelin' pretty merry.
Upon entering the party I got given some more drinks, so by this stage I was pretty much hammered. By the time the food got served, I couldn't even remember how to use a knife and fork. This is how I came to hit Adel in the head with part of a kebab. I'm sorry, Adel.
The awards came and went, I *thankfully* didn't win the hangover award, but I got nominated for some other one too...I think it was the All Time Stayers Award, but I'm not sure because (a) I was trashed and (b) I couldn't hear coz we were cheering too loudly. Congrats to Jesse, who got a nomination for just about every award.
During one of our frequent trips outside for a smoko, I was grabbed by Betty (one of the older register chicks) who pleaded with me for a smoke...
"Betty! You don't smoke!"
"I do sometimes!"
"Why don't you buy a pack?"
"Oh, I don't buy them, I just have them."
Fair enough. So we tottled off outside with about 75% of the Target family for a smoke (or ten). Then suddenly, it was the end of the party and we were all getting taxi's off to the Thirsty Dog. It was at this point that Deirdre decided to be overly nice to me. It was also this point that I decided to have a cry at Jesse about Luke and Gabby and just about everything else I could think of. Somehow, we all got to The Dog.
We had a dance at the Dog for a bit, and Juanita came up and had a chat to Luke which was a little surprising for me. Apparently they met on Thursday night. But there was more to come...
I lost Luke in the crowd and the rest of us decided we'd had enough of the Dog, so we went to the George for a lap, then me and Kelli tottled off to the Arms. I think we met some boys on the way there who got utterly confused when we told them that our names were the same.
We found heaps of work buddies at the Arms. I rang Luke and told him I was at the Arms. He said he was at Extrem, so I set about trying to convince everyone to come to Extrem with me. Just as we were about to leave, Luke came in. We did a bit of a lap before Luke looked like he was gonna die, so we went and had a sit down in the beer garden. We'd been sitting there for a bit before Juanita rocks up and plonks herself down next to Luke. I turned to Luke to say something to him when I realised that they were rather engaged in a big pash. I just about died right there and then. It was at this point I decided to get the hell out of there. I guess if the guy you'd liked for years was kissing someone else right next to you, you'd have done the same thing.
I met this Glen guy, so yeah we hooked up and I later got told that he has a girlfriend and a fucking BABY, so I got outta there quick. He then decides to go around telling everyone I made him kiss me. He also turns out to be the guy that Meg hooked up with named 'Wu-Tang Westie Guy'.
Me and Kimmy decided to go out to The Shed, where we found yep, you guessed it, LUKE AND JUANITA. Fun for the whole family. I stormed off.
It got to 5am and we got kicked out. Outside, we found Santa. Santa seemed intent on looking down our tops. Santa also invited us back to his place for a BBQ. "Yeah, we don't have any meat but we've got plenty of beer!" Kelli decided to spank Santa's ass before we tottled off in search of a taxi. On the way to the taxi, we found Adam, the horny/cute guy that Kimmy hooked up with that is also friends with Obsessive Rob. I slurred something about him being friends with Rob, then he said something sexual, then I laughed, then he goes "Oops, I can't say that, you've got a boyfriend!" and I said "Um...not anymore!" and he goes "Well, you won't mind then if I come back to your house!" and I just pissed myself laughing. Following us was Dorky Computer Nerd Guy, who seemed to think he was gonna get lucky with one of us. He kept mumbling something about 'being in the right place at the right time'. Riiiiight...
So anyway, once we finished our quest for the taxi rank, Adam decides to get in a taxi that is obviously for me and him and Kelli and Kim get in a maxi taxi. I gave Adam a wave goodbye, he shot me a 'dammit i want sex!' look, and Dorky Computer Nerd Guy tried to get in the taxi behind us. I pushed him out, shut the door and we were on our way home, minus Santa, Adam and all nerds. Thank bloody God.
Work the next day was interesting. Most of the staff were bloody hungover and I was one of them. Aughhh...
Thankfully, Luke had swapped his shift with Emily, so he wasn't there. If I saw him, I don't know whether I'd cry or punch his lights out. I've been blubbering all day today and listening to sad, 'woe is me' music, so I think if I saw him now I'd resort to the punching option since all crying is out of my system.
When I got home, there was a message to call back Obsessive Rob. I didn't call. How surprising.
So in conclusion, the Christmas Party was great but marred by the sight of the infamous Luke-Juanita kiss. Hope you all had a good one (I know Kimmy did! Brad is brutally HOT!)
Love from a very heartbroken Kinky Kel
NEWS OF THE WEEK -- 15th December 2002
Hey guys. Well, to everyone's horror, I didn't go out on Saturday Night...but I made up for it on Thursday Night.
And the story goes a little like this...
Me, Sobor Meg, Ben and Kimmy ventured out to meet Crystal for some 20th birthday celebrations. We started out at the Thirsty Dog, where we found DJ Guy, Steph & Damien, Crystal, Eloise, Amy and John. This was also the place where Meg met Consuela (also known as Paul Dodds). More about him later.
So anyways, we boogied on down for many hours. We found a guy dressed up as Groundskeeper Willy, who was looking for some dude in a cape. I drank the cape-man's drink. I finally found the Cape-Man in the toilet. I apologised profusely for drinking his drink, but all he could muster was "That's alright, goooorrrrgeous!" ... I ran away.
It was when we got kicked out at 3am that I met the Cape-Man again outside. I ate his chips. I then observed a fight across the road. I told some old guy off for calling the Arms '21 Jump Street'. I then stumbled my way over to Extrem.
On the way, I met some sleazy security guard from Bendigo who seemed keen to drag me in the direction of the Arms. Someone saved me, I can't remember who though! Apparently, Sleazy Bendigo Security Man was old and feral. Shrug.
Upon arrival at the long-awaited Extremity, we weren't allowed in! I was quite pissed off. Seems that some chicks had gotten into a bit of a scrag fight and they had decided to close up for the night. So we then tottled off to Big Papa's House of Funk. It was quite empty, but I reckon it'd be great if more people went there! Mental Note: check out Big Papa's again.
So after deciding that Papa's wasn't all that and a bag of potato chips, we mooched on over to ...The Arms. When we arrived, we walked past the chick at the money booth thingo, only to be asconded by a burly security guard, who screamed at us to "Pay the six bucks or get out!", which led us to yell back "We've got medallions, you wanker!" He seemed to run off in quite a hurry. This was mildly amusing, but all amusement vanished when I saw who was lurking inside the front door...
Yes, it was Luke and Juanita. Now, don't get me wrong, I know it's none of my business what those two get up to, but when Juanita's told me that she doesn't like him like that, and Luke hasn't bothered responding to both my apologies, it gets me more than a little aggravated. So yes, KEL ISN'T A HAPPY CAMPER.
Shrug. Anyways, so back to Consuela. Now, by this stage, he's got it in his head that Meg no likes him, which isn't exactly true. But anyhoo, he's managed to show up at the Arms, as have Groundskeeper Willy and Cape-Man. Oh, and John. You know, Matt's best friend? Yeah. He kept trying to crack onto both me and Meg. Twas fun. Not. Anyhoo, Consuela's a little heartbroken by this stage, so I spent a lot of the time trying to convince him that Meg was up for it. But all my efforts were destroyed when some of Consuela's mates told our little Meggles that he was sixteen. A slightly horrified Meg ran away, and it took Consuela's Uni ID and his licence and a hell of a lot of talking to convince Meg of Consuela's correct age. Phew.
Somehow, in the complicated love story of Meg and Consuela, the two feuded yet again, and the pair split...yet again. Sigh.
Anyways, it got to 4am (closing time) and me and the Megster tottled off to her car. By the way, this is the censored version, so I can't say what happened back at Bradshaw St...;)
Bye!
The Kinkster